Leftovers
by TamSibling
Summary: Set during early S2. Kara returns from Caprica and has a lot to deal with ... oh, and Lee too. Lee:Kara, PG to R rating.
1. Chapter 1

Title: **Leftovers**

Pairing: Lee/Kara

Rating: PG to R

Disclaimer: It's not mine, but I think I'd treat the characters better than Ron.

Summary: After returning from Caprica, Kara's got a lot to deal with … oh, and Lee too.

A/N: I've had about three-quarters of this story written for about six months now and finally figured out how to make it work. So, here it is. I really hope you like it.

This will probably replace my post-New Caprica story I teased during the "Kara Stands Still" series as I just feel like I've really tapped out that timeframe. Hopefully, this is a worthy replacement.

TamSibling

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Chapter 1

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_Astral Queen_

Did she want to talk? Kara paced the locker room, unable to sit still as the minutes passed. Lee had left about an hour ago and while she had initially laughed off his attempt to cheer her up (and his awkward admission of love), she was no longer content to sit, staring at Sam's damn pyramid ball and thinking "what if."

But she didn't have much faith in 'talking.' In truth, it had never really worked for her before. However, the knowledge that it was Lee she'd be opening up to suddenly changed her whole view on the prospect of conversation.

It shouldn't; not really. He was still pissed at her, despite the kiss and the hug and the teasing, she knew it. Lee didn't drop grudges, ever. He was pissed about Baltar and he was going to stay pissed. She snorted softly as she bounced the ball against the floor. She could only imagine how pissed he'd be when he found out about Anders.

She'd only been off Caprica for a couple of days and already, Kara wished she hadn't made that stupid promise. Who was she kidding? There was no way the Old Man would ever green light a mission back there and even if he did, the chance that Anders would still be alive was almost non-existent. To make everything just that much worse, she didn't want to bring him back to the Fleet. She had no desire to be continuously reminded of a mistake she'd made in a moment of weakness—she had Baltar for that.

Kara blinked quickly, realizing there were tears in her eyes. When had she become a crier? With a barely contained growl, she whipped the ball against the metal mesh between the benches, the ricochet setting off a tinkling sound of concussed metal.

"Problem, Buck?"

She turned quickly, relaxing marginally as she recognized Helo standing in the doorway, arms crossed over his chest.

The ball had rolled under a far bench and Kara moved to retrieve it. As she was about answer Helo, she bent to pick it up and winced. "Frak," she bit out, cringing as the pain in her side flared, sending a white hot spike through her abdomen.

"Kara?" She saw Karl's shadow looming over her before she felt his hand on the small of her back. "What's wrong?"

Turning her head to the side, she glared at him before trying to stand up again. As long as she moved a millimeter at a time she could do it without hurting herself. Fully upright, she took a deep breath, her hand resting gently over the scars on her left hip. Breathing in and out, she waited until the pulsing pain subsided, before looking back to Helo.

He didn't even wait for her to formulate an excuse. "Kara, there's gotta be some kind of medic on this ship. You should go get checked out."

"No," she told him firmly, ignoring his look of disapproval. Ignoring the fact that she was pretty sure her side hurt more now than it had three days ago. Ignoring the fact that the skin around the scars was growing redder and uglier by the day. "I'll be fine."

"Sure you will," Helo muttered, disbelief evident in his voice. "Even you aren't indestructible, Starbuck."

Kara grimaced, wishing she'd never let Helo see what Simon had done to her in that hospital. "Frak off, Helo."

"Is that what you told Apollo, too?"

Her eyes flashed to him, narrowing as she tried to gauge just what exactly he knew. "What are you talking about?"

"The guy's walking around like his dog just died," Helo explained. "You wouldn't have been the one that put a bullet in its head, would you?"

Rolling her eyes, Kara turned away from him, heading across the room to the nearby sink. As she turned on the water, she watched it fall into the drain, waiting a few seconds for the rusty brown water to trickle out. When it was running clear, she cupped her hands underneath the spigot and splashed it to her face. At least it would cool her down a bit; it was frakkin' hot on this ship.

"I don't know what you're talking about, Helo," she told him as she patted her face dry with a rough towel. Chucking it into a corner, she turned back to him and added, "And as much as you obviously want to start a fight with me, I'm going to warn you, it's not a good idea."

He pursed his lips, head cocked to one side as if seeing her in a different light before he moved forward and rested a hand to her shoulder. She prided herself on not flinching. "I'm not trying to pick a fight, Buck. I'm just trying to point out that it appears Apollo cares for you. Maybe you shouldn't be so quick to throw that in his face."

She snorted. "You don't know anything about it, Helo. Trust me." She turned away from him worried that he'd see something she didn't want him to. Worried that he'd figure out she knew perfectly well what he was saying and even more worried he'd realize she liked Apollo's attention.

"Fine, Kara. Whatever." The exasperation in his tone was evident and Kara hid a smirk. As usual, she'd managed to annoy him enough that he was going to drop it. "I'm going to go see Sharon. Good luck with whatever frakked up think you've got going on."

He left before she could form a good retort. Frakked up thing—jeez, it wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that the Cylons had cut into her body, would it? She felt a deep desire to send the pyramid ball careening off the top of his head, but it was still stuck under the bench and she wasn't about to try retrieving it again. It hurt too much.

As she trudged toward the quarters she'd been given, Kara tried to convince herself that Helo didn't know a damn thing about anything. He had no idea how deep or storied Lee and Kara's history was and therefore, had no idea that their current state of being was their version of normal.

Easing herself into the uncomfortable rack that would be her bed for the next six hours, Kara tried to stave off the chills and hot flashes that alternated through the night, repeating silently to herself, that the world was completely frakked up and she should stop expecting anything to make sense. It wasn't going to.

After her third nightmare, Kara resigned herself to staring at the gray ceiling over her head, biting her lip to keep in her tears and praying to the Gods for a form of deliverance. She despised the fact that every time she did, Lee's offer to talk echoed through her head and that as the minutes passed, she had to resist the growing urge to go find him.

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_Surface of Kobol_

Kara stared at the Old Man and the president, watching the hesitancy of their reunion. She knew Adama was far from okay with what Roslin had done, and the fact that Lee had gone along with it, but she also knew that the Fleet's unity, their survival, was more important to him than pride.

"Hey."

Glancing up, she caught sight of Lee as he seated himself beside her. "Hey. Everything all right?"

He grimaced telling her the answer was no, regardless of what he actually said. "I suppose," he admitted, holding his hands out and allowing the small fire to warm them. It was so damp on this planet and frakkin' cold. Kara couldn't wait to get back to space. "I still don't trust Meier or his henchman."

Kara frowned. "Lee, we outnumber them almost five to one. Relax."

Lee's scowl deepened, but he kept his silence. Kara knew he wouldn't actually relax until they were back on Galactica and even then it wasn't a guarantee. That stick up his ass was pretty permanent.

"Do you think he's really okay with this?" he asked.

Kara followed his gaze and saw his eyes locked on his father and the president. "Which part?" she countered. "The president's mutiny or yours?"

His cheeks flamed red and Kara enjoyed watching him try to justify holding a gun to the XO's head. "Look, you weren't there. I can't even—"

Holding up a hand, she stopped his tirade. "Lee, take it easy." As he finally fell silent and met her eyes, she smiled wide and said, "I just wish I could have been there to see it."

Slowly, his mouth worked its way into a smile and the red on his cheeks faded, leaving a soft sparkle in his eyes. "Stop winding me up, Thrace," he told her, giving her a light punch in the arm.

The hit knocked her off balance just a bit, putting sudden pressure on her still healing wounds and causing Kara to wince. Biting back a curse, she straightened quickly, hand flying to cover the now throbbing area as she willed the pain away. All of this hiking and sleeping on the ground wasn't doing a whole lot to help the healing process.

"Kara?"

Frak. She'd hoped maybe Lee could have missed her sharp inhale of pain. "Yeah?"

"What's wrong?"

She refused to look at him. The concern in his eyes, just like the concern he'd shown her on the Astral Queen would be far too much for her to handle. Things between them were a mess, had been before Caprica and certainly weren't going to get better once he heard the whole story. She went for avoidance—her go-to Lee strategy.

"Nothing. I'm fine."

His face hovered before hers as he crouched beside her and she cursed his ridiculously blue eyes and how intently he was staring at her. "Try again, Kara."

Great, now he was using her name, not her callsign, her name. Things were devolving fast. "Let's just say Caprica wasn't a picnic, all right?"

His brow furrowed and Kara ignored the cute little wrinkle it created above his nose. "What happened, Kara?"

Forcing the last remnants of pain to the back of her mind, Kara straightened and told him, "Nothing, Apollo. I'm fine."

The amount of skepticism in Lee's gaze would have been comical under any other circumstance. Luckily, he didn't get a chance to question her further as his father rose and ordered them to get ready to move out.

Kara stood quickly, moving away from Lee as fast as she could, joining Karl and Sharon—the one place she knew Lee wouldn't follow. She could feel his eyes on her across the clearing as they packed their gear, but with her usual Starbuck aplomb, she ignored him.

"Starbuck?"

Meeting Helo's gaze, she asked, a tad defensively, "What?"

She watched him bite back a smile. "Something you want to tell me?" he asked, eyes darting to Lee and then back to her.

Using her fiercest scowl, Kara told him, "No," before hefting her pack and stalking off. She wanted to get off this godsdamned cold, wet planet and get to Galactica. She really needed to get in her bird and shoot things. Yeah, that would make her feel better.

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Lee had been skeptical, it wasn't much of a secret. He didn't believe in Pythia or prophecies or any of it. But he couldn't deny the reverence with which the president and Kara treated the arrow. He couldn't deny, once he stepped into the tomb that something bigger than himself was going on here. Standing inside the Tomb of Athena seemed to make their journey less ridiculous.

Lee wouldn't have believed what he saw inside that stone chamber if he hadn't been there. He never would have listened to Kara or his father or the frakkin' president tell him about being transported to a grassy clearing with monoliths representing each of the twelve colonies. Never would have understood the beauty of the night sky with its constellations shining down on them.

Even when he knew he should be studying the stars above, his eyes inexplicably drifted to Kara. Her breathless tone as she recited the scriptures drew all of Lee's focus. He could swear he saw the sheen of tears in her eyes and it made him take a step forward. She'd been on the brink of crying at least twice since her return from Caprica. Couple that with the obvious injury she was trying to hide and it made him fiercely protective. It angered him that he didn't know how to ease her pain. It buoyed him that he wanted to.

As he reached out to take her hand, offer her some sense of comfort, the starry night faded back to the interior of the Tomb. Surrounded by broken statutes, the wary crew blinked once, twice, trying to remember what they'd seen knowing that one day soon they'd wish they could forget. Forget the smell of grass and night air and the longing it had inspired in all of them for home.

The door had automatically slid open at their return and Billy took the president's hand leading her outside, Adama following. Lee turned to go, noticing that Kara stood before Apollo's statute, staring at the gleaming arrow where it lay cradled in marble hands.

Without hesitation, he stepped forward and rested a gentle hand to the small of her back. She jumped slightly, eyes darting to his face, her tension easing the minute she saw it was him. Lee kept his hand where it was, noting that she was shivering under her sweats. They all needed to get home and get warm.

"You okay?" He whispered, his mouth close enough to her ear that his breath tickled the strands of wayward hair that had fallen from her ponytail.

She bit her lip and Lee was ready for he to say "no." Instead, she nodded. "Yup."

Lee swallowed his sigh; he feared she'd never be honest with him. It told him she didn't trust him. He knew she had every reason to think him a superior asshole, but he'd been hoping that their time apart and his newfound confession might tip the scales. So far, no luck.

With a slight rub of his hand to her back, he urged her towards the entrance. "Come on, let's go."

Kara nodded again and took the Arrow in her hands, before turning to head out of the Tomb. Before she reached the door, she faltered once, her left leg giving out slightly, causing her to stumble. Luckily, Lee hadn't drifted very far and he was there to catch her, a strong arm around her waist.

"You okay?" He asked again, hoping this time she might be straight with him.

This time she actually was. "I'm not feeling so hot," she murmured, leaning against him heavily and showing more vulnerability with that action than he'd seen in months.

Reaffirming his grip on her waist, Lee steered her towards the nearest ledge. However, before she could take a step she let out a stifled cry, clawing at the hand he'd wrapped around her left hip to keep her steady.

"What, Kara?" She gingerly sat down, leaning back and Lee knelt before her. "What is it? Tell me where it hurts."

Biting her lip hard to keep from crying out, Kara did her best to lift the edge of her sweatshirt and push down the top of her pants. Lee saw the red, inflamed skin long before she finished.

"Frak, Kara. What the hell happened?" She didn't answer him and Lee risked a glance to her face to gauge her state. It had gone from bad to awful. Her eyelids were fluttering, and a light sheen of sweat had broken out along her forehead. Her skin was at least three shades too white and she was shaking even worse now. She was going into shock.

Frak.

"Commander!"

His father came quickly at his call. Lee had managed to lay Kara on the ground at the foot of the nearest statue by the time Adama, Roslin and Helo rushed back in.

"My Gods. What happened?" The Old Man's injuries prevented him from dropping to his knees beside his daughter as he wanted to, so he simply stared over Lee's shoulder, demanding answers.

"Frak if I know. She was fine before. But now-"

"It's the Cylons."

Every eye turned to Helo, Kara's plight momentarily forgotten. "Explain, Lieutenant."

"Kara was captured on Caprica. We got caught in a firefight and we thought she had retreated. When we got back to base we realized she must have been hit. We found her in a Cylon facility – a converted mental hospital. They stitched her up."

"Not very well," Adama ground out, turning back to face Kara.

Lee's eyes stayed riveted to Helo. As Kara again cried out in pain, Lee propelled himself to his feet, jamming his arm against Helo's trachea and shoving him into the nearest wall. "What did your girlfriend's family do to her?"

Helo glanced to Kara and then back to Lee and if the Captain hadn't been just the slightest bit irrational, he might have seen regret in the other man's eyes. "They stitched her up. She seemed perfectly fine once we got her back, just a little sore and tired."

"It's infected." The president had taken Apollo's place at Starbuck's side while he did his best to wring information from Helo. Now, the older woman gently studied Kara's inflamed skin and made a diagnosis. All of them were inclined to agree with her.

"She's running a fever and the area is infected. We need to get her back to Galactica. She needs antibiotics and fluids."

Releasing Helo quickly, Lee knelt beside Kara, taking her cold hand in his. She was so frakkin' cold. "Kara, come on. We gotta move. Time to go home."

He tried to get his arm under her shoulders and lift her, but she cried out in pain making Lee stop at once. Laying her back down, he glanced back to his father. "I don't think she can make it back to the Raptor."

"She doesn't have a choice," Adama told him. Heading outside, Lee heard him start giving orders. "Chief, we need to rig a stretcher."

Helo followed Adama while Roslin stayed with Lee. Offering him her canteen, she said, "She won't survive the trip on a stretcher. It'll be much too painful."

"I know." Lee tipped the canteen against Kara's parched lips, helping her drink before resting her head back against the ground. Glancing to the president, he allowed a small smirk to form on his mouth. "You try telling him that."

The president returned his grin. "I will. We'll simply go back to the Raptor and land it closer to you and Lieutenant Thrace. You will be staying with her, I assume?"

"Frak yes." Lee blushed a deep shade of crimson as he realized he'd just sworn in front of the president of the colonies. "Ma'am," he added hastily, glancing back to Kara.

Roslin seemed unfazed. "We'll get her home, Captain. Don't worry."

---- ----

But Lee was worried. It would take the group almost a full day to hike back to the Raptors. That was if they made it back at all—there were still Cylons out there and the chance for flash flooding and a dozen other things that could go wrong before they could get back to him and Kara.

He'd done his best to make her comfortable in the hour or so they'd been alone. The team had left them with both their packs and Lee had spread out his own sleeping bag for Kara to lie on before wrapping her up in her own. It seemed to help her shivering a little bit.

He'd gathered enough dry wood for a fire and lit it, hoping that the flames might also help Kara fight off the damp chill that seemed to have settled on all of them since landing here. She had been pretty much out of it since they'd gone and Lee was disheartened by the paleness and heat of her skin. She was running a high fever and despite dosing her with as much morpha as he dared, it had yet to dissipate.

"No."

Kara's deep moan drew Lee's attention away from the fire and back to her side. Sitting next to her, he took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. "Shh, it's okay, Kara. You're okay."

"Lee?"

She sounded so confused. Lee hastened to reassure her. "Yeah, Kara, it's me. I'm here. You're going to be fine."

"Lee, I'm sorry. I didn't … it didn't mean anything."

He had no idea what she was apologizing for, but he didn't care. "Just rest, Kara. It's okay."

"Please, Lee. Please don't hate me."

He rested his hand to her burning cheek and blinked hard to dispel the tightness behind his eyes. Leaning down, he brushed a kiss to her forehead, and whispered, "I don't hate you, Kara. I love you. Just rest now. Please."

Kara mumbled something else he couldn't make out and then she was asleep. With a sigh, Lee stayed next to her and held her hand and tried to get his own emotions under control.

Then, surrounded by the broken idols of the Gods Kara believed in, Lee prayed.


	2. Chapter 2

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Chapter 2

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Kara was vaguely aware of her surroundings for the next few hours. Occasionally she was roused from her fitful sleep by the low sound of Lee's voice, relaying stories from their past—remembered incidents with too much ambrosia or Zak or both. Sometimes she'd wake up mid-scream and only the cool touch of Lee's hand against her forehead kept her from trying to claw open the raging infection in her belly.

It throbbed with a mind of its own and Kara could feel the pulse of the disease beating under her skin. It was like a living thing and she wanted to rip it from her insides. Wanted to violently cut out the reminder of the Cylon hospital and what they'd done.

It was in one of these moments—one in which she wanted so badly to tear at her own flesh—that Lee chose to nap. He must have been exhausted and if Kara had been coherent, she probably would have realized he hadn't left her—that she wasn't alone.

But she thought she was. She could see nothing in the dark cave. The small fire Lee had tried so valiantly to keep going had died and she was surrounded by darkness and cold. On Caprica, she had been surrounded by harsh light and humidity that had made her skin damp from morning to night. But she'd been alone there as well.

With great effort, Kara eased her hand under the sleeping bag Apollo had cocooned her in. Each throb of pain acted as a beacon, a reason to keep going despite the tiredness she felt in her limbs, despite the small part of her mind that was still cogent and told her to stop. Kara ignored that little voice and inched her hand towards the bottom of her sweatshirt.

Tentatively, she pushed against the offending skin and cried out loud. It hurt so badly, the hot skin under her fingertips, the infection she could not see settling into the scars and starting to live there.

"Kara? What's wrong?"

Thank the Gods he wasn't gone. Kara's eyes still couldn't register much in the darkness, but she could hear Lee's voice and saw a shadowy figure approach her side. As he covered her hand with his, Kara released a sigh of relief that sounded like his name. "Lee."

"I'm here. What's going on?"

She didn't answer him, but he did the math on his own. Unzipping the side of the sleeping bag, he gently lifted her hand away, bringing a lamp close to inspect the damage. "Frak, Kara," he murmured, reaching for the med kit as well. "You're bleeding now."

"Take it out, Lee." She doubted he could understand her, but she kept begging him to anyway. "Whatever they did, take it out."

"Shh, Kara, you're okay. It's just an infection from your gun shot."

He worked quickly, but gently and Kara faded in and out of consciousness. One time she thought for sure she was back on Caprica and her heart raced as she spotted Simon coming towards her, another syringe of sedatives in his hand.

"No!"

"Kara, it's okay." She watched Lee through the slits of her eyes and caught sight of a needle. She squirmed, doing her best to get away from him and causing more pain to flare along the length of her left side.

"Kara, you're going to hurt yourself."

"No needles." She thrashed as best she could which was to say, not at all. "I don't want to sleep."

"You have to, Kara. You've got to rest. Your body needs to fight the infection."

His eyes were clouded with concern and understanding, but Kara was adamant. "No. No sleeping."

She blinked a few times and forced herself to hold his gaze despite the pull on her eyelids to close once more.

Only once Lee had placed the needle back in the kit did Kara relax and allow her eyes to close. She wasn't going to sleep, but she was going to rest. Since he'd re-dressed the wounds she felt a little better, not quite as rabid as before and she took a few calming breaths.

"Tell me another story."

Lee turned from where he was beside the dying fire. "What?"

"I need something to help me stay awake. Tell me a story."

Kara watched Lee shake his head in amusement, while he went back to growing the fire once more. As soon as it had become a sizable blaze, he moved back to her side, lying next to her and propping his head on his hand. "I thought you were sleeping before."

"I heard bits and pieces." She turned to face him, surprised by the range of emotion she could read in his blue eyes. Normally to see his eyes so closely she had to be yelling at him, angry about some stupid rule or regulation or way he'd stomped on her fun. Or he was yelling at her for some idiotic stunt she'd pulled. But rarely did she have the luxury of looking—of seeing.

Besotted with a high fever, morpha and an infection, she couldn't really interpret most of what she was faced with—but she saw concern on his features and maybe fear. Something softer too, that resided in the corners of his eyes. Or maybe she was just hallucinating.

"You want a story, huh?" His hand gently traced a line down her cheek and Kara sighed, closing her eyes for a moment. His touch was so different from anyone else's. She'd never tell him that of course, but it was. Even Sam, in the midst of their lovemaking, hadn't touched her with this much tenderness.

Sam's image swam in her mind's eyes and she opened her eyes quickly, again focusing on Lee. She didn't want to think about Anders or what would happen if—when—Lee found out. Of course, he had no right to be jealous or angry or hateful. But Kara knew he would be. So was she—at him. Because it hadn't been Baltar's bed or even Sam's she'd wanted to be in. But her stubbornness and his pride and their shared history stood in the way of getting what they really wanted. Or at least, those were the excuses they used.

She didn't want to apologize for finding comfort in the midst of so much destruction; for getting Baltar to scratch an itch that Lee had rightfully irritated in the first place. Frak, she wouldn't apologize—she was Starbuck for frak's sake!

But she still felt guilty, still longed to admit to Lee that what had driven her into the arms of other men was knowing she'd never be in his.

"Kara. Earth to Kara?"

She blinked once, twice and came back to the moment, finding Lee's again concerned eyes trained on her. "So, you gonna tell me a story or what?"

Lee smiled softly and then rested his hand to her cheek. "Sure, I've got one."

Kara returned the smile and settled in to listen.

---- -----

Kara had been unconscious for over eight hours by the time they made it back to Galactica. Even while transporting her from the Tomb to the waiting Raptor she hadn't stirred and Lee's concern had skyrocketed. Starbuck was never calm or docile or at rest. Even when she slept, she kicked off the covers and tossed and turned as if she were sleeping on a stormy sea.

He sat beside her on the Raptor, keeping his hand firmly in hers, not offering his father anything more than one and two word updates. The president, Billy, Zarek, Helo and Sharon had returned on the first shuttle, while Adama and Tyrol had insisted they bring Starbuck and Apollo back.

Adama was piloting and Lee would have protested, knowing he wasn't healed enough for such a strenuous task. But he was the only other likely candidate on board to guide them home and he wasn't leaving Kara's side.

As soon as they'd docked and the door opened, medical personnel and equipment crammed the Raptor's interior. Ishay ordered him out of her way and Lee reluctantly rose, only relinquishing his place at Kara's side because he knew the nurse could help her more.

He stood as far out of the way as he could in the small space and watched as the medics worked efficiently, hooking Kara up to an IV, checking her vitals, taking a cursory glance at the wounds above her hip.

"She's going to be all right, son." His father's heavy hand rested on his shoulder. Lee would have shrugged it off, but he just didn't have the energy. "We got her home. She's gonna be fine."

Lee wondered if his father really thought he sounded convincing.

---- -----

"What happened to her?"

Cottle eyed Captain Adama with a raised eyebrow while lighting his cigarette. As he took his first puff, he answered gruffly, "She was shot, Captain. Maybe you've heard?"

Lee resisted the urge to punch the man. "Is she all right?"

"I managed to get her fever down a bit which is a good thing and we've got her on fluids and nutrients. She was severely dehydrated and malnourished as I'm sure you can imagine."

Crossing his arms over his chest, his eyes followed the doctor as he moved to make a note in a chart, and sign off on another a nurse had just thrust in his face. Lee really wanted to wring the answers from him, but found again that his will power was holding firm.

"Will she be all right, Major?"

His father's question of course demanded a prompt answer and Cottle shrugged. "She should be, although I'm worried about that infection spreading to her blood stream. From what I can tell, so far, it hasn't, but until the antibiotics kick in and the swelling goes down around the two wounds, I won't—"

"Wait. Two? Helo never mentioned a second gun shot wound." Lee's eyes dared the doctor to contradict him.

"Because the second one isn't a gunshot, Captain. A scan of Lieutenant Thrace shows that she had surgery. One of her ovaries was removed."

Cottle turned to speak with his father as Lee felt part of his world fall away. He suddenly felt as though he were submerged in a tank of water, making everything around him murky and unclear. What in the name of the Gods would the Cylons want with Starbuck's ovary?

A million sick and twisted scenarios sprung to mind and Lee fought to forget them all. "Was she—"

"Raped?" Cottle seemed to have anticipated the question and turned to face him. "No. If the Cylons took the ovary in an attempt to reproduce, they didn't try it the old-fashioned way first."

"Do you think that's what they want? To reproduce?" Adama's expression was a hard mask of indifference even though Lee knew he was feeling anything but. It was something he'd always envied in his father—his ability to stand straight and tall even while things blew up around him. Lee had never been that level headed.

"The Gods only know what they want." Cottle was almost to the end of his first cigarette and he quickly stubbed it out and lit another. Lee idly wondered what he'd do when he ran out. "Based on what Lieutenant Agathon told me, it appears that the Cylons are interested in reproduction, having children. Until I talk to Lieutenant—the one he brought back, I won't know much more."

Cottle glanced between the two of them and Lee thought he saw a flicker of compassion on the man's face, before it was again hidden by his gruff exterior. "Of course, it could have just been a way from them to frak with her. Who knows?"

As he turned to leave, Lee asked, "Can I see her?"

With a shake of his head, Cottle answered, "Not yet. Until that infection is under control, she's to remain isolated. I'd say you have about six, maybe eight hours before it'll be safe for her."

Lee wanted to tell him that was unacceptable, but again, his father's strong hand clamped around his shoulder and the words caught in his throat.

"Thank you, doctor."

Cottle shrugged and shuffled off, leaving Lee standing beside his father with potent fear and not a little bit of rage rushing through him. "What did they do to her, dad?"

"I don't know, son." The commander suddenly sounded much older than his years. Turning slightly, Lee caught the paleness in his features and the tiredness in his eyes and quickly directed him to the nearest seat.

"You've got to get some rest." Lee eyed the Old Man, thinking that he was finally starting to live up to the moniker. "My guess is you shouldn't have come down to Kobol. You're not well enough yet."

"I couldn't leave you all down there." Tilting his head back against the wall, Adama breathed deep for a few moments before adding softly, "I had to fix what I'd broken."

"You didn't break us, dad. It was the Cylons." Lee felt that rage churn in his gut until he could almost taste it. He had the distinct urge to race down to the brig and end Boomer's life, but he swallowed it down. He knew she wasn't the same Cylon who had killed his father, but she looked the same and Lee had a hard time believing there was really a difference.

But Kara had trusted her and Lee trusted Kara, so he would do his best to keep his murderous feelings at bay.

"We all need to rest."

Lee glanced back to his father, noting that his blue eyes were open again and fixed on him. He could see the start of an admonition on his lips and Lee rose hurriedly, hoping to escape it. He was in no mood for a lecture.

"Good idea. Page me the minute something changes."

Adama's response was lost to Lee as he all but sprinted out of Life Station.

---- ----

Three hours facing the heavy bag and Lee still didn't feel any better. More tired, certainly, but not better. He'd hoped that punching the bag would abate some of the anger that continued to fuel his blood, but it just wouldn't go away. All he could see was Kara lying helpless on the floor of the Tomb; all he could imagine was what she had suffered at the hands of the Cylons; all he could wish was that she'd wake up soon.

With one last right hook, Lee left the bag swinging on its chain and staggered back, sitting on the nearest bench. Frak, he was tired. He'd barely slept on the Astral Queen, finding his first few hours after committing mutiny to be less conducive to rest then he'd ever imagined.

As he reached for a water bottle and took a drink, he couldn't help the grin that spread across his features. Holding a gun to Tigh's head had totally been worth a few sleepless nights.

"Captain?"

Lee was too exhausted to be alarmed at the sudden intrusion. Turning slowly, he caught sight of Lieutenant Agathon standing hesitantly in the doorway and scowled. "What?"

"I was hoping you could tell me about Kar-Lieutenant Thrace. The marines won't let me anywhere near sick bay."

"I'm surprised they haven't locked you in the brig." Lee used his teeth to pull off one of his gloves and then removed the other, throwing them down with unnecessary force to the ground at his feet. As he ripped at the tape covering his hands, he added, "I guess collaborating with the enemy isn't call for treason anymore."

"Apparently holding a gun to the XO's head isn't either."

Lee snapped his eyes to the man's face, noting the completely blank look on his features. Seeing his superior officer's accusatory gaze, he added softly, "Sir."

For a moment, he considered calling the other man up on insubordination charges and marching his tall ass down to the brig. But just as quickly, Lee dismissed the thought. He was just too frakking tired to care.

"Lieutenant Thrace should be fine." He wadded up the sweaty tape and rose, picking up his gloves and putting them away. As he threw the tape into the garbage, he added, "She's resting now. The doc's keeping her isolated to make sure the infection is really gone."

"Thank the Gods," Agathon breathed behind him and Lee resisted the urge to curse the same deities. He felt no gratitude toward them, not after what they'd let Kara endure. "I'm glad to hear that, sir."

"Lieutenant."

Lee turned to see Agathon glance back at him, one foot already across the threshold. "The doc said that Starbuck has two scars. What do you know about the second one?"

The taller man shrugged. "Nothing, sir. When we got her out, I asked her about it. She just shrugged it off and said it was nothing. I knew that wasn't the truth, but we had to get out of there. I didn't really—"

"That's enough." Lee waved off his explanation. "It wasn't an accusation, Agathon, just a question."

"Helo."

What the hell did that mean? Lee looked to him confusedly and the other man explained, "My call sign. It's Helo, sir."

Lee nodded once. "Helo. Nice to meet you."

The lieutenant smiled and Lee saw sincerity in the expression. "You too, sir."

---- ----

Kara woke up with the familiar sensation of something sharp and burning sticking in her forearm and she immediately started to moan. She couldn't be back there, not again. Not with those damned Cylons and their creepy farm where they'd been trying to impregnate human women—rape them in an effort to create more skin jobs to infiltrate the Fleet and wipe out the rest of humanity.

She knew she must have been recaptured; why else would she feel so terrible? She had a vague memory of a green planet with trees and grass and stars and Lee, but Kara was sure that had been a dream. She had woken again faced with the nightmare of being used as an incubator for Cylon procreation.

Forcing her eyes open, despite the heaviness that weighed on her lids, Kara reached for the IV, determined not to let Simon keep her in a drugged state of submission. Instantly, she panicked, as she realized her arm would not move. She was strapped to the bed, her arms and legs held down by restraints and Kara let loose with the loudest howl her depleted body possessed.

It brought everyone running.

---- ----

Lee had just returned, ready to wait for the all clear and go see Kara the minute the doc said it was all right, when he heard her pained cry. Sprinting the last few feet to the isolation room's door, he was met by Ishay who was quickly donning a suit meant to protect Kara from any wayward germs or bacteria.

They didn't have that kind of time. Lee could see Kara thrashing about, tugging at her restraints so violently there was already evidence of blood around her wrists. "Open the door," he ordered, glancing to Ishay as his heart hammered in his chest every second he watched Kara in pain.

"I'm sorry, sir, but the doctor said-"

"Open the frakking door!" He would apologize later, but right now all Lee wanted to do was get inside that room.

Ishay reconsidered and in a second the door had moved aside, allowing Lee to enter. He rushed to Kara's side, reaching first for the bindings at her wrists even as he tried to calm her down.

"Kara, you're all right. It's okay."

He freed one wrist and went to work on the other when her fist connected with his temple. It wasn't a very strong punch, she didn't have the leverage or the strength, but it caught Lee off guard enough to cause him to stumble.

"Frak, Kara."

"Let me out of here."

Staring at her, Lee blinked to clear his vision and really saw her. She was as delirious as he'd seen her on the surface and he knew she had no idea where she was.

"What the frak are you doing in here?"

Cottle entered, pushing past Lee and heading for Kara's side. Despite the warnings of contamination, he still had a damned cigarette hanging from his lips. "She was hurting herself. Why was she restrained?"

"Because she was hurting herself," Cottle barked, taking the offered needle from Ishay, the only one of them in the proper attire. "She kept clawing at the bandages, we were worried she'd-"

Kara, who had stilled once the doctor entered, chose that moment to act. As Cottle stepped towards the IV tube, she lashed out, striking across herself and aiming for the doctor.

Too weak and uncoordinated to cause any damage, Kara almost fell out of the bed and Cottle and Ishay struggled to grab her. Lee leapt forward, reaching for her shoulders and pulling her back as Cottle managed to slip the sedative into her IV.

"Come on, Kara. Back to sleep."

"Lee?"

He took a breath and then met her eyes, his heart beating even harder as he saw tears forming and her pale face almost crumpled completely. "I'm here, Kara."

"Don't let them hurt me. Please. Not again."

"No one's going to hurt you, Kara." Lee squeezed her close and pressed a kiss to her hair as she sighed heavily and again passed out. Taking a deep breath, Lee held her tight for a moment more, before reaching across her body and undoing the restraint on her other wrist.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Cottle was obviously still pissed, but Lee kept working.

"She freaked out when she woke up with these things on her."

"She was in very real danger of hurting herself before, captain. The restraints are necessary."

"Not anymore." Freeing her opposite wrist, Lee shoved the restraint off the edge of the bed and then gently laid Kara down. Making sure she was comfortable, he moved to the end of the bed and uncovered her feet, intent on removing those bindings as well. "I'll stay with her. If she tries to hurt herself, I'll stop her."

"My Gods, you're stubborn as a mule." Cottle eyed him harshly as he worked on the bindings. "You shouldn't be here anyway. I'm still worried about the infection getting worse."

Recovering her now free feet, Lee glanced to the doctor and pointedly stared at his cigarette, before rounding the edge of the bed and sitting at Kara's side once more. "We'll be fine."

Cottle muttered a few other unkind words under his breath, but Lee ignored them. Instead, he focused all his attention on Kara who, even though she was heavily sedated, had somehow managed to turn into his side as he made himself comfortable beside her.

He shouldn't have left her in the first place. Lee hated when duty and common sense kept him from doing what he knew in his heart was right. It had happened far too often since he'd become an officer and even more so since he'd come to Galactica. Especially because it seemed everything his heart wanted was currently lying beside him.

Lee had known he was in love with Kara Thrace long before he'd finally admitted it a few days ago. Hell, he'd known it long before the end of the worlds, before he'd shown up on Galactica. He'd known it for years, ever since his baby brother had introduced them.

He had released his guilt over that years ago—he'd had to in order to preserve his sanity. It had been the worst after Zak's death. Lee had acutely felt the betrayal of falling in love with his dead brother's fiancé as he'd stood at his mother's side and watched Kara hold it together on the other side of the coffin.

Lee sighed and blinked away the memory of that day. It had been so long ago now. He'd left Caprica after the funeral content on never seeing or hearing from Kara again, convinced he would have to find a way to drive her from his heart. He'd never imagined they'd be one of the last two people standing once the Cylons had executed their destruction of humanity. He never imagined that he'd have a chance to love her—or that she might love him in return.

He wanted to believe that was true, that Kara did have feelings for him that went beyond friendship. She had never told him of course, but he thought he'd caught glimpses maybe—the day after the attacks when he'd helped her out from under her Viper and she'd held his hand for a ridiculously long amount of time; after she'd returned from the red planet with a busted knee and an offer for him to give her a bath; Colonial Day, when she'd worn that unbelievable dress and danced with him, hip to hip, cheek to cheek.

Of course, like an idiot he'd let Baltar cut in and then had been stupid enough to be distracted by duty and responsibility so that by the time he'd had a chance to look for her again, she'd disappeared with that weasel at her side.

Punching her in the hangar bay that day had been his low point. Lee wasn't proud of it and never would be. It was only after Kara had returned from Caprica and willingly come into his arms that he'd let himself believe they might be able to move past it.

Now, as he held her close to his side, watching the monitors that told him she was alive, did he truly believe they had to. He couldn't live without her, and he wanted to stop trying.

---- -----


	3. Chapter 3

---- ----

Chapter 3

---- ----

Kara's condition was going from bad to worse. No one on Galactica said it, but no one had to, the tension in the air was palpable from CIC to the flight deck to the crew quarters. No one mentioned Starbuck's name and no one questioned the CAG when he barked out orders or lost his temper.

When Action Stations sounded, the day after Starbuck's condition had been diagnosed "critical," their CAG suited up like the rest of them and flew like a man possessed. Someone on the deck, out of earshot of the Chief, murmured that maybe he was flying with "her spirit," maybe "she" was with him somehow, in the cockpit.

Everyone knew who her and she was. Even the nuggets and knuckle draggers.

Three days after the team's return from the planet, after everyone had seen Starbuck carted off on a gurney, she still hadn't woken up. Rumors were flying that she was pregnant, some Cylon hybrid growing in her gut; others speculated she was dying from radiation poisoning; and still others said she'd simply defied the odds one too many times and now her number was up.

The CAG was impossible. Everyone gave him a wide berth and no one commented, at least not on the deck, about his attitude or the growing bags under his eyes. It was common knowledge he was spending every minute not on shift at Starbuck's bedside and while a few of the other pilots had made an attempt to visit with her, none of them would admit to what they'd seen. None of them would share how they'd witnessed the CAG sitting hunched over his lead pilot, tightly gripping one of her hands in his and whispering words that were meant to be private. After that, no one tried visiting her again and the pilots were oddly docile in morning briefings, strangely sympathetic when the Captain chose to berate them. Thankfully, the CAG was too obsessed with Starbuck's condition to realize he was being coddled.

Starbuck had been comatose for a full week when, following CAP, everyone realized the extent of the connection between their flight instructor and their CAG.

Apollo landed and the Chief was waiting at the base of his ladder with a note. He waited for Apollo to pop his canopy before handing it to him and then quickly scrambled out of the way as Lee practically jumped out, hastily signing his post-flight before throwing his helmet towards the nearest knuckle dragger and heading off at a sprint.

No one had to guess where he was going. They all knew it had to do with _her_.

---- ----

Things came to Kara in snippets, so fleeting and transient that she could never fully grasp one thing before another came to take its place.

Cottle's fear over the extent of the infection turned out to be well-founded. The sepsis had settled in her bloodstream, making it impossible for her body to keep her conscious and fight the disease. Three days after her return and it began to affect her lungs as well. After she stopped breathing four times in one night, Cottle intubated her. It was a good thing she was out of it.

Kara wasn't sure, but despite her unconsciousness, she could swear there were moments when she could hear things: faint voices, whispered words. Occasionally, she was sure she felt the firm grip of someone's hand around her own. When lucidity returned, she'd realize it was Lee's voice that had penetrated the fog of pain surrounding her.

When she awoke, groggy and automatically feeling like she wanted to gag, she floated in and out of a semi-conscious state, memories from the past week filtering through. She could remember Lee, and his profession of love on the Astral Queen; she could even remember moments in the tomb when it had just been the two of them and he'd worked so hard to keep her conscious. Kara knew whatever had happened between them since her return: the kiss, the talk in the locker room, those stolen moments on the surface—it was all building toward something; something she'd wanted for too long. She wanted to think that maybe now, after everything, they might actually have a shot. But she couldn't hope. Lee would find out about Sam and then he'd take back everything.

Kara knew she wouldn't survive it. She wanted to think she would, wanted to think that Starbuck was strong enough to weather anything, but the fact was she'd been through too much.

She hated to admit that, hated to admit that she couldn't just brush off Lee Adama and his professed love for her. Frak, how could she? How could any woman? Sure, Lee was no picnic, but he was _Lee_ and it seemed they'd been dancing around this for so long that now, when it was in her reach, she was going to lose it … spectacularly.

When Kara finally came fully awake, a week after returning from the surface, she actually felt just a bit better. The machines surrounding her alerted Cottle to her condition and in minutes, he was hovering, making his obligatory gruff comment and puffing on a cigarette. She would have smiled if everything didn't hurt so damn much.

He stated that her vitals were good and it appeared the infection was retreating. She could come off the tube if she wanted and Kara nodded vehemently. Oh, she definitely wanted. She felt as if she were choking with this thing down her throat. She felt trapped to the bed, unable to roll over, unable to move without causing pain and discomfort throughout most of her body.

Just as Cottle finished removing the tube, she heard the familiar sound of Lee's raised voice outside. With a knowing grin, Cottle glanced down to her and said, "Something tells me he's not here for my charming bedside manner."

Kara smiled—she actually felt the corners of her mouth turn up, but just as she opened her mouth to speak, Cottle cautioned her. "Don't try that yet. Your throat's been rubbed raw by this thing and it's going to take a while to heal. Talking right now will only aggravate it. Understood?"

She nodded reluctantly, just as Lee entered, the top of his flight suit tied around his waist, so she could see his tanks and those unbelievable arms. He was panting a bit and Kara smiled again knowing he'd run all the way to Life Station from the flight deck to see her. Despite her anxiety, she couldn't help but feel excited, knowing she meant that much to Lee.

"Hey." He gave her a wide smile as he approached the side of her bed and kissed her forehead with no hesitation. Glancing up, he asked Cottle, "How is she?"

"Okay, for now. I'm happy with the work the drugs have done. Her lungs are healing nicely. But she's not going to be able to really talk for a few days."

Lee looked back to Kara with a definite smirk on his lips. "No talking? Oh my, how will the indomitable Starbuck manage?"

She slapped playfully at his arm, but he only caught her hand, which was still weak and wobbly, and held it in his own, pressing it against his chest. She could feel his heart beating through his tanks. Mostly she could feel his warmth, which was nice, because it was a little drafty in Life Station and she was chilly.

"I'll leave you two alone for a bit," Cottle murmured, and Kara didn't offer him a second glance as he exited the area.

She couldn't stop staring at Lee. The way he was holding onto her hand, the way he was looking at her as if he really had meant all those things he'd said—as if he truly loved her—was making it difficult to breathe. She panicked for a minute, wondering if maybe the doc had been wrong and she really did need the tube, but then Lee stroked his hand along her arm and she felt her breathing return to normal.

"You scared the crap outta me," he finally admitted in a rush, sinking into the chair next to her bed and scooting it closer so their heads were almost level. Kara tried to turn on her side, wincing as the movement caused pain. She'd be so frakking glad when she could roll over, sit up, hell, even lift her pinky without it hurting.

"Easy," Lee whispered, sitting forward in the chair and holding her hand with both of his. As he rested his lips against her knuckles, she just stared at him. It was oddly freeing being unable to speak—it gave her an excuse to be silent, something Starbuck was not known for. It also gave her an excuse to look, to really see Lee as he sat beside her now.

Looking at Lee now, seeing him, seeing the emotion playing across his features, she wasn't sure what to believe, what to trust. Outside of her cockpit, she figured her instincts were worth crap. She figured that if she'd been whole and not an emotional frak-up, she would have seen the love and concern on Lee's face, seen the almost desperate way he held her hand and correlated these actions with his words. She would have made the logical conclusion that Lee Adama really did love her and that maybe they had a chance at something.

But she wasn't whole and she was an emotional frak-up so instead, while she could admit that Lee appeared to truly care, she just couldn't admit that he really did love her.

"Stop it, Kara."

Her eyes flew to his face, focusing in on his again as he admonished her with a small grin on his features. She'd never really noticed how his eyes sparkled when he was teasing her. It was kind of beautiful.

The question must have registered on her face, because he elaborated quickly. "Whatever you're thinking, right this minute, I want you to stop it."

Rolling her eyes, Kara looked to the ceiling. Damn him and his ability to read her like a book.

"Hey." He gave the hand he held a slight tug and she reluctantly looked back to him. "You can't talk right now, which puts me in a really good position, because I can say whatever I want and you can't interrupt."

She made a face, which only seemed to amuse Lee more because his eyes practically glittered as he leaned over her, their noses barely two inches apart. "So, since you can't talk, you're going to listen." His eyes searched hers and Kara inhaled sharply. She liked Lee being this close, liked his smell, liked his warmth—it was doing weird things to her stomach, and her resolve; there were moments when she hated being a frakkin' girl.

"Are you listening?" he asked before leaning down and pressing a tiny kiss to the tip of her nose. Biting her lower lip, Kara nodded slightly and Lee smiled before continuing.

"I don't know how much you remember about the last week or even about what's happened since you came back," he told her slowly, eyes searching hers, thumb rubbing absently along the back of her knuckles. "But I love you, Kara Thrace. I meant it on the Astral Queen, I meant it on the surface and I mean it now."

Kara blinked rapidly, trying to rid herself of the traitorous tears that clouded her eyes. She knew he'd take it back as soon as he found out about Sam. Hell, she figured he'd take it back once she was up and walking around and flying again. Once she was his frak-up pilot and he was CAG, Lee would figure out all the reasons why he'd never loved Kara Thrace before. She had to end this.

"Uhh."

Lee leaned back, placing a finger over her lips. "Kara, don't. The doc told you not to talk. I think you should listen to him."

She shook her head hard, biting back a groan as it caused the throbbing headache behind her eyes to pound painfully. Even though her throat felt as if it were on fire, as if one of her nuggets had landed his Viper and scraped a gouge in the deck so long and deep the Chief would be cursing for a week, she wouldn't be deterred. She couldn't lie here in this hospital bed, thinking that she had a chance for a bright, shiny future with Lee, letting _him_ think that when she knew it wasn't true.

She squeezed the hand he held as hard as she could, causing Lee to straighten. Blinking once, he looked at her, his expression now concerned. With a vague wave of her hand, she tried to tell him what she wanted.

As comprehension dawned, Lee actually laughed. "My gods, Kara. You actually want to write it down. It's that important to you?"

She nodded solemnly and Lee held her gaze for a moment more before releasing a sigh. "All right. I'll be right back," he told her, stopping before he left to kiss her forehead.

Kara watched him go and felt heaviness invade her limbs, her stomach, her heart. _I hope you're happy, mama_, she thought ruefully. _Because I certainly am the frak-up you always said I was_.

She heard the rustle of the curtain and tried to school her features for Lee's return. But the tall, broad-shouldered form that stepped up to her bed wasn't Lee. She smiled wide as Helo returned her grin with a big one of his own and gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

"Buck, I'm so glad you're awake."

Kara reached for his hand and Karl gave it to her. Ridiculous as it was, she was suddenly glad one of her oldest friends had decided to stop by. Maybe now she could delay the inevitable.

"You okay?" Helo asked, taking a seat in the chair Lee had vacated. She shrugged and gestured to her throat. Helo caught on fast. "Yeah, the doc told me he had you tubed. It'll hurt to talk for a while."

She nodded.

"So, I saw Apollo walking outta here in a hurry. You two all right?"

Kara shrugged again, having a sudden appreciation for body language.

Leaning forward, Helo bowed his head close to hers and whispered, "You know he's head over heels in love with you, right?"

She let out a small snort and smiled, nodding once. Helo leaned back, lacing his fingers behind his head. "Good, just so long as that's clear." She smiled at him, not sure what to do. Her non-verbal vocabulary was fairly limited and the few gestures she did know weren't really meant for friends—unless they royally pissed her off.

"Although, I gotta ask, Buck. What're you gonna do about Anders?"

Could every man she'd ever met read her frakkin' mind? Kara rolled her eyes and then shook her head, turning back to Karl with what she knew was apprehension on her face.

And Karl came through again. "You don't know what to do about Anders." He studied her face for another moment and then slapped his palm to his forehead, causing a ridiculously loud smack to sound through Life Station. "Oh my gods, Kara Thrace. You're in love with Lee Adama."

She felt her face redden and knew she must have turned the color of beet. She tried to deny it, but Helo was undeterred. "No, you are," he said, his voice full of a glee Kara found highly annoying. "I mean, I could tell the guy was in love with you, but I wasn't quite sure how … and now with Anders …"

Helo trailed off and Kara looked away, unable to admit to the despair welling in her gut. The longer Lee was gone and she had time to think about it the more she realized they really had no chance. It didn't matter how he felt or how she felt; it didn't matter that Kara had needed someone on Caprica, needed someone to help her forget Lee and Baltar and the destruction of her home; it didn't even matter that she loved Lee Adama more than she thought possible. All that mattered was that Lee would feel betrayed—even though had no right—and he would take everything back.

She blinked back a tear, anger displacing her despair. Damn it, she wasn't going to apologize for Sam. She wasn't going to apologize for finding a modicum of comfort on the irradiated wasteland she had used to call home. He had been sweet and attractive and _uncomplicated_ and Kara had reveled in that. But even as she promised to return for him, she knew it would never work out between them. He would never challenge her and despite Kara's protests to the contrary, she needed a challenge.

Lee would never stop challenging her.

"Hey, Kara."

Sniffling once, she turned, unashamed for Helo to see her cry, even though she still hated the thought of Lee seeing her tears. With a sad smile of understanding, Karl leaned forward and brushed a tear off the tip of her nose with his finger. "Do you really love Anders?"

Kara didn't hesitate—she simply shook her head no.

"Do you love Apollo?"

Again, Kara didn't hesitate—she simply shook her head yes.

"You're gonna be fine." Karl rose then, pressing a kiss to her forehead and Kara wrapped a fist in the front of his tanks. She felt more tears coming and she didn't want him or anyone to see. The suddenness of the movement almost pulled him off balance and his arms came around her quickly to keep them both steady.

Kara kept her fist in his shirt and buried her face against his chest. She wasn't fine, she was _never_ fine. Why was it no one ever got that? Kara wondered if maybe she could have had a successful career in movies—she certainly had perfected her act.

"Shh, you're okay, Kara." Helo's strong arms and warm hands rubbed soothing circles into her back as her shoulders shook. Her tears were silent, but she felt as though a dam had burst and she didn't know if she'd ever be able to stop. Frak Cottle and his medicines; frak her weak immune system; frak the universe.

"What happened?"

Lee's reappearance only made her cry harder and Kara clung to Helo even as he tried to turn and address Apollo. Kara snuck a peek out of the corner of her eye and saw Lee, standing with a small pad of paper and a pencil in his hand, staring at the scene before him in disbelief.

Kara watched as he charged towards the bed, reaching for her and she instinctively flinched away, burying herself further against Helo who knew the best thing to do was keep them in separate corners. He was the only person who had ever seen Kara this fragile before and she trusted him to help her.

"Easy, Apollo. She's fine."

"What did you do?" There was pain and anger in Lee's voice and it hurt Kara's ears to hear it.

"I didn't do anything. I came to see Kara and we talked a bit. Well, I talked, she gestured."

"Then why is she crying?"

Damn it, she was kind of hoping Lee would have missed that part.

"She's been through hell, Apollo." Helo's voice turned steely and Kara was suddenly very grateful to her oldest friend. "Why don't we send you back to Caprica, have you shot and captured by the Cylons and survive a nasty infection and see how you hold up."

"Watch yourself, Lieutenant."

Good ol' Lee, always pulling rank.

"I'm not on duty and neither are you," Helo shot back. Lowering his voice, he added, "And at this moment in time, I think that maybe you should head back to your rack and get some shut eye. I'm gonna sit with Kara for while."

"Like hell you are." Lee was digging in his heels, Kara could hear it in his tone. That's why she wasn't surprised when he addressed her directly. "Kara. Please."

Taking a shaky breath and then another, she finally lifted her face to him and steeled herself against the shock she saw on his features at her state. With another step towards her, he reached out a hand to touch her, but Kara halted him with an upraised hand.

Turning her palm to the ceiling, she silently asked for the pad and pencil and Lee relinquished it slowly. Pulling away from Helo slightly, she shakily scrawled out a few words—_I need some time_—before handing it back to Lee.

He read it slowly, head bowed, shoulders sagging in what she knew was defeat. But she just couldn't do this with him and she most certainly couldn't write down on a piece of paper that she'd slept with some guy on Caprica and hey, by the way was Lee okay with that? She'd been foolish to think that was the route to take.

Finally, Lee looked back to her and she saw determination and resignation in his eyes. "Okay, fine. I'll go, but I'm coming back and we _are_ going to talk this through, Kara." His eyes burned into hers and she did her best not to flinch under the intensity of his look. "I meant what I said."

She nodded once and with one more glance to Helo, Lee took his leave, leaving the pad of paper and pencil at the foot of the bed.

As soon as he was gone, Kara gingerly laid back down, feeling emotionally and physically drained. With a low whistle between his teeth, Karl sat beside her, resting his elbows on his knees. "Damn, Buck, you have got that boy all turned around."

Kara sighed. _I know_.

---- ----

Lee didn't wait two seconds after Helo had returned to pounce on him. He'd been loitering in the head, knowing Helo had to turn in eventually and knowing he'd come here when he did. Now as the tall, lanky ECO leaned over the sink, cupping water in his hands and splashing it on his face, he attacked.

"What the hell was that about?"

He had the satisfaction of watching Helo jump. Glancing to Lee through the mirror, the other man shook his head slowly, before turning off the water and reaching for a towel. "Frak, Apollo, you scared the crap outta me."

"Stow it, Helo." Lee was really in no mood for games or idle chit chat or evasion. He wanted answers. Right. Now. "What was that?"

Helo finished drying his face and then turned, leaning against the sink at his back, large arms crossed over his chest. He really was tall; Lee realized that as they stood facing one another. He had a moment of wondering who would win in a fight before he decided he didn't want to find out.

"Kara is one of my oldest friends, Captain. She's been through a lot. When I stopped by to see her, she seemed to be having a little trouble and she wanted me to stay with her. So I did."

He was so frakking calm. Lee was anything but calm and the other man's placidity only made him madder. "Why was she crying? She was fine when I left her."

"No, Apollo, she wasn't." Helo raised his voice slightly and then took a breath. When he again spoke, he was cool and collected. "Look, I know you love her."

Lee opened his mouth to protest—automatic response—but Helo cut him off. "Please man, if you think it's not painfully obvious to half the people on this boat you're a lot dumber than I thought." Lee bit his tongue and Helo continued. "I know you love her and I tell you what, she loves you too. But it's not that simple and you need to stop pretending it is."

So that was it. Lee took a step back, releasing a heavy sigh that seemed to take most of his anger with it. "This is about Zak," he murmured, studying the decking below his feet.

Helo actually chuckled softly. "No, Apollo, I actually think this is the one time it's not."

Once again confused, Lee looked to Helo for more of an explanation. The taller man glanced up to the ceiling, apparently trying to divine some guidance and then sighed. "Look, you've known Kara for a long time, but so have I. I was also with her on Caprica. I saw what she did. It was hell, Captain. We were constantly on the run, convinced the next corner we turned we'd be ambushed and killed. We were sure our number was up at least half a dozen times."

Taking one more deep breath, Helo rested his hands on Lee's shoulders and held his gaze, and Lee knew that whatever he said next would be important. "You need to remember that when you're talking to Kara and making grand proclamations. She doesn't do well with her emotions on a good day. Can you guess what kind of day this has been?"

Lee was actually stunned speechless. Helo took his leave a few minutes later, apparently certain he had no other questions. And he was right. Lee didn't. He had been foolish to think all their problems—his and Kara's—could be fixed by simply saying the words. By simply admitting that he loved her.

He knew it wasn't that simple. He wanted it to be, but Lee knew love was never easy, or at least it wasn't meant to be. It had been easy with Gianne and that had ended horribly; it had been easy with his parents and that had been almost worse. He suspected for Kara it had been easy with Zak as well. He didn't know for sure; they rarely mentioned his baby brother unless it was a safe, shared memory of the three of them doing something benign. Kara would never and had never talked to him about her love for Zak.

But Zak had. Zak had admitted to Lee one day, a few months after the proposal—a few weeks before his test flight—that loving Kara Thrace was the easiest thing he had ever done. Lee had felt apprehensive at the time, but didn't know why. Months later he would think it was his jealousy, knowing as he did that he was already in love with Kara.

Now, he knew. He'd pegged that conversation as the beginning of the end for his brother and Kara. Because love wasn't supposed to be easy.

Fine—if Kara wanted a fight, he'd give her one. He didn't want to hurt her, not again, but he wouldn't sit idly by and let her determine the fate of their relationship. They had both been far too passive to this point and it hadn't gotten them anywhere.

Lee just hoped that getting into the fight was the right choice.


	4. Chapter 4 Part A

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Chapter 4 – Part A

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Lee was due for a meeting with his father and he was ridiculously late. He raced through the halls of Galactica, flight schedules clenched in his teeth as he tucked in his uniform shirt and straightened his pins. This was a sight most unbecoming of an officer, but he'd overslept and well … what was his father going to do? Court-martial him?

Reaching the Commander's hatch, Lee nodded to the guards stationed there and then knocked, getting a curt, "Come in."

Bracing himself for a tongue-lashing about the benefits of punctuality, Lee entered and closed the door behind him.

His father was sitting at his desk, one of his many model ships before him. Glasses perched on the end of his nose, he was placing a tiny piece of wood onto another as Lee stood at attention.

"At ease."

Lee relaxed, watching his father, as always amazed at the precision with which his dad cared for those ships. Lee would never have the patience to do something that delicate.

Having repaired the piece, Adama sat back, placing his glasses on his desk and looked to Lee. "Well?"

Puzzled, Lee took a step forward. "Sir?"

"How is she, Lee?"

He frowned, realizing too late the expression would only garner more questions from his father. It had been three days since Kara had asked for space and Lee had so far honored her request. He hated it, but he was doing it.

"Fine, as far as Cottle tells me," he explained, sitting in the chair before his dad's desk. As the Old Man continued to stare, Lee knew he found that response far from sufficient.

"What about what Kara's telling you?" he asked, sitting back and eying him intently.

Lee felt about five years old and had the distinct impression he was about to be grounded. "I haven't been to see her in a few days," he told him, studying the handful of papers he held in an effort to avoid his father's penetrating gaze. "I've been checking in with Cottle though and he says she's getting better."

Lee tensed as that answer was met with silence. Taking a deep breath and counting to five, he raised his eyes to meet his dad's and stared, stunned at his father's expression.

It could only be described as 'bemused.' "And why haven't you been to see Kara, son?"

Was he actually smirking? Lee shifted uncomfortably, now wishing his father would ream him out for being late. He really didn't want to be having this discussion. "She's asked me for some space," he said, forcing his tone to be neutral. "I'm giving her some space."

Okay, his father was definitely smiling. "Lee, what exactly is going on here?'

That was the million-cubit question, and despite his discomfort at breaching this topic with his dad, he realized owning up to his feelings for Kara was the first step toward something more. "Are you asking as my commander or my father?"

Adama was too familiar with the question and the importance of the distinction to be offended. "Your father, Lee."

"I love her, dad." He waited for the inevitable blow up, waited for a punch or a slap or just a really hearty shout. But as Lee looked to his father, he didn't see any of those things even on the horizon. All he saw was a small smile. "You must know how I feel about her."

"I would guess most of the people on board know how you feel about her, son," he mused, circling his desk and coming to stand before him. Clapping a hand to his shoulder, he held his father's gaze as he asked, "But does she?"

"We've talked about it." It had been a few days, but they had talked, so Lee figured it counted.

"And?"

"Dad, if you're asking me to explain the way Kara feels, you obviously don't know her as well as you think you do."

Adama chuckled. "You've got a point. She's tough, isn't she?"

"Yup."

"And that's one of the main reasons you love her, I assume?"

Lee smiled in spite of himself. "Dad, we just don't have the time for me to list the reasons."

His father held his gaze for a moment more, before heading around his desk again and taking a seat. "So, this space business. I take it that was her idea?"

Lee sighed. "Yeah. Something about what happened on Caprica. She's just …" He paused, searching for the right word, trying to figure out just what precisely Kara was so hesitant about. "Skittish, I guess," he finally said. "I know she's not great with the whole love and devotion thing, but even for her this behavior is—"

"A little over the top?" his dad offered, getting a nod from Lee. "Just remember son, based on what Cottle told us, she went through hell on Caprica. Before that there was the red planet and that damn Cylon interrogation …" Adama's voice trailed off and Lee watched his eyes focus on a point far away. It struck him again how much his father cared for Kara; it never ceased to amaze him how integral to their family she really was. "Well, I guess what I'm trying to say, rather badly, is that Kara's been through a lot. Don't expect this to be easy, son."

Lee smiled. "Trust me, dad. Easy is the one thing I am definitely not expecting."

His father returned his smile and then got down to military business. They passed the half hour in comfortable camaraderie, discussing pilot schedules, CAP rotations and the like until finally Adama had signed off on all the paperwork. As Lee rose to leave though, the Old Man stopped him.

"Lee?" Turning, he waited for his dad to continue. "I know Kara's asked for space and I'm glad you've honored that request, but …"

Wondering why he'd choose to be hesitant now, Lee prompted, "Dad?"

"Don't let her stew too long," he told him, blue eyes full of what Lee could only call pain. "She … Well, I worry about her, being alone. Knowing what she's been through and knowing Kara, she'll pretend everything's fine, until one day, it just isn't."

Lee swallowed hard. He had the same fear. There was a fine line between respecting Kara's wishes and letting her self-destruct. "I know, dad. I won't let her slip away," he vowed. "I promise."

With another smile, Adama nodded, "I believe you. Dismissed."

Snapping off a quick salute, Lee left, his feet taking him to life station before he even fully registered the movement. He paused for a second, wondering if three days was enough time, before purposefully continuing. Three days was plenty of time for him, so it would have to be for Kara as well.

----- -----

Kara was going out of her mind. There was nothing to do in Life Station and without any other distraction all she'd done for the last three days was think.

She hated thinking.

Well, that wasn't fair – she hated thinking about her own frakked up life and the fact that she had effectively pushed away the one person she wanted in it more than anyone else. So, she was cooped up in Life Station, still hooked to a dozen machines, eating bland gruel that Cottle seemed to think was good for her and staring at the ceiling, trying to forget that the reason Lee wasn't here was because she'd told him to go away. Trying to forget that he'd actually listened.

She was counting the rivets above her bed when she heard the familiar sound of the curtains parting. Rolling her eyes, she barked at Cottle, "You know what, doc? How about I stick that thermometer somewhere the sun don't shine?"

"I'd pay money to see that," the voice answered and her eyes snapped toward the opening, registering Lee's smirk as he approached her side of the bed. "Really, I would. I bet you could sell tickets," he added, the smirk deepening into a true smile that made her heart thud sharply against her rib cage.

She swallowed a few times, realizing pretty quickly why she'd sent Lee away. It was hard to focus on much of anything when he was looking at her like that. "Sorry. I thought you were Cottle."

"So I gathered." He took a seat in his usual chair, but made no move to hold her hand. Kara told herself she wasn't disappointed. As his blue eyes met her gaze, she inhaled sharply at the swirl of emotion there. "How are you?"

She shrugged, wincing as the movement caused a throb of pain to radiate across her skin. "Okay," she ground out, eyes closed as she waited for the pain to subside.

As Kara breathed through it, she jumped slightly at the feel of Lee's warm hand over her own. Taking one more deep breath, she opened her eyes to him and had to remind herself to keep breathing.

"I mean it, Kara," he said softly, eyes full of concern, features tight with worry. "How are you?" he asked again. "Really?"

For some reason, her eyes grew tight and Kara blinked fast hoping to keep her tears at bay. Removing her hand from his and placing them both in her lap, she tipped her chin to her chest and sighed again. "Not so good. Cottle says the infection's getting better, but everything hurts, Lee," she admitted, voice growing tight. "I mean, forget my knee and those frakkin' scars, even my skin hurts."

Biting her lip, she took a deep breath, ignoring the pain that accompanied the movement and added, "My throat still feels like I swallowed a ball of fire and to top it all off I haven't showered in about, hmm, four weeks and not only do I stink, but I feel like I might crawl out of my skin."

Kara snapped her mouth shut quickly, realizing all she had just admitted. She knew they were beyond that now, that Lee had seen her vulnerable, despite her best efforts to the contrary, but it was still hard for her to admit. She didn't want him to think she couldn't handle it. She didn't want him to think she couldn't be his wingman, couldn't handle flying or the war or any of it. She needed to be by his side, in battle if nowhere else, if only to ensure that he came home.

"Well, I can't really do anything about the pain or your throat," Lee admitted, sitting on the edge of the bed. "Although I guarantee you that if there was a pint of ice cream left in the Fleet it would be yours." He paused to give her a smile and Kara saw his eyes were twinkling again. "But I might be able to help with the shower."

Before she could say anything in return, he squeezed her hand, rose, said, "Be right back," and was gone.

Kara had a dozen fleeting images over the next thirty minutes, each one unbelievably inappropriate and stemming from a silly little comment she'd made after she returned from the red planet and asked Lee to give her a bath—or something like that. Was he finally going to cash that chit in?

Not that she hadn't thought about it. Gods, how she'd thought about it. In a dozen dirty ways, and a few sweet ones, although she refused to admit it. But still, this wasn't the time. Kara knew she should be discouraging him; knew she should find some way to push him out of her life for good, but the three days he'd left her alone had been agonizing. If nothing else, Lee was her best friend and Kara needed him. She knew once he found out about Sam she'd never see him again; she figured it was only marginally selfish to take advantage of his friendship now, while she still could.

"You ready?"

She glanced up quickly, noting Lee's beaming face with a wheelchair before him and Cottle's glowering countenance just over his shoulder. Darting her eyes between them, she asked, "For what?"

"Ol' Grumpy here has allowed that I can take you to the showers as long as I bring you right back," Lee stated triumphantly.

"But I'll also state that this will probably be the most painful shower of your life and maybe you should just let me have Ishay give you another sponge bath."

Kara wrinkled her nose. "No offense to Ishay, but her sponge baths just aren't all they're cracked up to be." Eyeing the wheelchair Lee had and gauging her own pain, she asked, "I have to ride in that thing?"

"That is non-negotiable." Cottle pushed past Lee, moving to Kara's side and unhooking her IV. It felt unbelievably good to have that constant sense of burning gone from her hand and her veins and she cradled her arm to her chest, flexing it at the elbow a few times.

"When you get back, we're going to try some solid foods and liquids. How does that sound?"

"Great," Kara said dryly and Lee stifled a laugh.

Cottle darted a glance between them and then stepped in front of Kara, effectively blocking her from Lee's view. Lowering his voice, he said, "I meant what I said, Lieutenant. I understand your need for a shower, but your skin and your limbs are still very sensitive and I'm afraid this will hurt. Not enough to cause you to black out or anything, but you're not going to want to linger."

Kara swallowed hard. She had guessed it wouldn't be a picnic. She was in quite a bit of pain just sitting here—she could only imagine what it'd feel like under the strong jets of the head.

"Kara, you don't have to do this." Lee's quiet voice startled her and she glanced around Cottle to see his concern. The winning grin he'd had before had been replaced by trepidation.

He thought she was doing this to prove something to him. Maybe at one time, that would be true, but at this moment, Kara just wanted to wash the past four weeks off her skin, damn the consequences.

"Yes, I do. Because while you're both too polite to say anything, I'm starting to smell."

Kara shifted slightly in the bed as Cottle removed the covers and Lee brought the wheel chair closer. Even that slight movement caused a sharp jolt of pain up her legs, but biting hard on the inside of her cheek, Kara kept the wince from her face.

As Cottle steadied the chair, Lee moved to stand before her, and leaned down to wrap his arms around her waist. "Put your arms around my neck," he whispered into her ear and Kara could swear he brushed a kiss to her cheek, before holding her steady.

Despite the pain she felt, Kara allowed her head to rest against Lee's shoulder for just a moment, before he braced and moved her in a quick, but painful motion, to the chair.

Panting slightly as the ache slowly receded throughout her body, she squeezed her eyes shut waiting—willing—it to pass.

"Kara?"

She shook her head slightly, and Lee quieted, giving her a moment and soon she was able to open her eyes and offer him the tiniest smile. "Okay. I'm ready."

"Remember, Captain. To the shower and then back to bed. Understood?"

"Aye aye, Major," Lee snapped off a jaunty salute and Kara had to laugh. It felt good.

"Hey, Lee?"

"Yes." He leaned forward so his lips touched her ear and she fought the urge to shiver at the pleasantness of the sensation.

"I really don't want anybody to—"

"Don't worry, Kara. There's a head not too far away that nobody really uses. We're not going anywhere near the crew quarters."

Feeling relief, Kara sank back against the chair, closing her eyes. Thank the Gods Lee understood. "Oh, and heads up."

She opened her eyes quickly as she felt a light, soft weight fall into her lap. Glancing down, she caught sight of her favorite pair of tanks and sweats. "Where did you find these?" She smoothed her hands over the familiar fabric, grateful she'd soon be rid of this itchy hospital gown, that could probably get up and walk on its own by now.

"Back of your locker behind your dress blues and under your stash of cigars."

Wide-eyed, Kara tipped her head back slightly, confronted once more with Lee's big grin. As he caught her staring, he winked. "What? You think I don't know about your secret hiding place?"

Kara found herself laughing again. And also discovered that the thought of Lee knowing where she kept her most prized possessions really didn't piss her off.

---- ----

Lee was glad his moment of inspiration during Kara's lament had apparently been a good one. It was during inventory of the ship's areas that he'd first discovered this abandoned head. He hadn't thought much of it, until he realized that if Kara was going to shower, there was no way she'd be comfortable doing it in front of the squad. No matter what, Starbuck was proud to a fault and the thought of the other pilots, especially her nuggets, seeing her in such a vulnerable state would kill her. He also knew that they'd all frakkin' cheer when she finally did return to the flight deck—and she'd hate that too.

With a slight smile, he opened the hatch and then pushed the chair to the edge, locking the wheels. Coming around to face Kara, he knelt before her. "Are you sure you're ready for this?"

Giving him a look, she told him, "Lee, I can't stand my own smell anymore. I have got to shower."

He nodded, and then stood, taking the sweats off her lap. "Well, I wasn't gonna say anything," he murmured, getting a small swipe from Kara as he headed inside and dumped her clothes in the closest stall, where he'd already placed towels.

Returning for her, Lee paused for a second as he saw her framed in the hatchway. She looked small and fragile sitting there and Lee knew it would destroy her to think he viewed her that way, even if for only a second. In truth, it had destroyed a little piece of him too when he'd realized Starbuck—Kara—wasn't invincible. But then, in another way, it had made him love her more.

He'd be lying if he said he didn't want to protect her, didn't want to shield her from bad things, from pain, from heartache. But he'd also be lying if he denied that part of Kara's appeal was the fact that more often than not she could protect herself—and normally cover his butt in the process.

But there was a small part of him that liked to know that on occasion, she might really need him. Like now.

"Kara—"

She raised her eyes to his face and gave him a slight shake of the head. "I know, Lee. Okay? I know there's stuff we've got to talk about, but …" He watched as she worried her lower lip between her teeth, eyes darting about the empty room.

Approaching her, he knelt before her and placed a light hand on her knee. "We will talk though, right?" That was all he wanted really, an assurance from her that she wouldn't dismiss his feelings; that she might actually admit to her own.

When she met his eyes again and gave him a shy smile and a nod, he knew things would be okay. Offering her a smile, he straightened and said, "All right then. Here we go."

Lee leaned forward again, bracing his arms around Kara's back as she looped hers around his neck. "Ready?"

She nodded, but then pulled back and met his gaze.

"What?" he asked, noting the fear in her eyes.

"I don't think…" She trailed off and broke his gaze, eyes staring at the base of his neck. Swallowing hard, she waited a beat and then finally mumbled, "I don't thinkIcanwalkallthatway."

Stifling a small grin, Lee leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Cottle told me you wouldn't be able to. No worries, I wasn't going to let you."

And before Kara could put the pieces together, Lee hefted her up and swung her into his arms. She let out a small burst of discomfort as she settled against him, but quicker than when they'd moved her to the chair, it passed and she offered him a tentative smile—that quickly turned into a scowl.

"If you tell anyone about this, so help me, Apollo."

"Promises, promises," Lee told her and then steadily walked her back towards the shower.

He set her on the bench just outside the stall, and then leaned in to turn on the water, hoping it would get nice and hot—or at least warm—before Kara stepped in.

Turning back to her, he noticed that she was trying and failing to undo the ties on the back of her gown. And her face was getting more pained by the second.

"This is ridiculous," she finally burst out, slumping further onto the bench. "I can't even undress myself."

Lee gave her a moment and then took a deep breath. He knew they were in delicate and uncharted territory at the moment. Kara had already taken huge steps today in allowing him to not only see her at her most vulnerable but in allowing him to help her. He worried she was coming to the end of her patience and that soon she'd once again clam up and refuse anyone's help.

He didn't want that. The three days he'd stayed away from her, trying to give her the space she wanted, had been torture. He'd had to physically stop himself from going to Life Station over a dozen times. Hell, three times he'd actually been standing in the doorway and had forced himself to turn back.

So, saying a silent prayer, he knelt before her. "Do you want my help?"

When she looked to him, he saw tears in her eyes for the first time all day, but smartly didn't draw any attention to them. She nodded slightly and then shifted, offering him better access to her back and the ties there.

Carefully, Lee unknotted all three and Kara pulled her arms from the sleeves, keeping the garment over her bare chest with one hand, while she offered Lee the other so he could help her stand.

She was shaky and she feared her legs would give out, but Lee kept a steady arm around her waist and led her towards the stall. Balancing her against the wall, he reached into the stream of water to be sure it was warm enough and was pleased with the temperature. Taking her hand once more, he helped her step into the nearest corner of the stall where the water couldn't quite reach and then turned to pull the curtain.

"If you need anything, I'm right out here, okay?" He watched as she swallowed hard and nodded, one hand still gripping her gown, the other leaning heavily against the wall. "Do you think you can manage?"

She offered him a weak smile. "Well, my only other option is to choke on my own odor, so yeah, I think I'll manage."

He smiled back even though he knew she was putting on a show for his benefit. He knew every second out of bed was painful for her and that her body was beyond weak. He could only guess the amount of energy she was expending just standing upright.

"There's soap and a washcloth and some shampoo over by the faucet, on the ledge. When you're done, I'll help you get dressed again."

She nodded and then smiled once more, before Lee closed the curtain between them. A minute later, her arm snaked around the curtain with her robe in her hand and Lee took it.

Resisting the urge to hover at the edge of the curtain, Lee took one step, then another and another until his knees hit the bench and he sat down heavily and waited.

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	5. Chapter 4 Part B

A/N: All right, I'm succumbing to peer pressure and posting the conclusion of chapter 4 and the shower. This had better generate some glowing comments! 

Also, I have to tip my hat to Waldo and Cranberry Jei. Waldo's one-shot, **Going Through Hell** and Cranberry Jei's, **As the Earth She Revolves**, are two of my favorite fics and totally served as inspiration for the shower scene! Thank you!

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**Chapter 4**

Part B

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It took Kara an agonizing few minutes to work her underwear off. Balancing herself against the wall, she had to inch down each side a little bit at a time and each movement just caused her legs, arms and shoulders to protest. Never mind her left hip where her still-healing scars were constantly burning.

Getting one side of her shorts down to her knee, she bit back a moan as she put too much pressure on her injured leg. Leaning her forehead against the wall, Kara let out short breaths, trying to wait out the pain, knowing that if Lee heard anything even remotely discomfiting he'd come charging through the curtain. She wasn't sure she could handle that level of embarrassment. Not today.

As the throb of pain ebbed, Kara worked diligently once more, finally getting the panties to the floor of the shower where she could step out of them. Now, fully undressed, she turned toward the stream of water, her skin practically begging for the dirt and grime and dust to be washed away. Knowing even the two unaided steps it would take to get into the flow of the water would be too much, Kara slowly worked her way around the outer edge of the stall, shuffling her feet in tiny steps.

When she finally made it under the showerhead, she shuddered. Cottle hadn't been wrong. The steady stream of water against her skin hurt. It reminded her of those summer days after she'd stayed out in the sun too long and had come home to find her skin red. This was like showering with a sunburn, but about a thousand times worse.

"Ahh." She couldn't help it. It hurt and it took her body a moment to adjust. As soon as she'd released the sound, she heard shuffling on the other side of the curtain and could make out Lee's shadow as he hovered.

"Kara?"

"It's fine." She wished she sounded more convincing, but this was about all she could muster at the moment. "I'm fine."

"Are you sure?"

She gritted her teeth, glaring at his shadow and wondering if she could make his head explode just by thinking really hard. "Lee."

"Okay."

She waited until his form had retreated and then stepped more fully under the spray again. Now that she was ready for it, she could better guard herself against the pain, and Kara found that after a few minutes it wasn't so bad.

Of course, she hadn't actually tried to wash anything yet or shampoo her hair. She had barely made it into the shower before she felt completely exhausted. Even now, in spite of the pain, she felt her eyelids drooping. It had been too much, and Kara felt tears well in her eyes. She knew she wouldn't be able to stop them—she'd never felt so helpless before. She'd never _been_ this helpless before.

Through blurry eyes, she stared at the floor of the shower, watching the water slide into the drain at the center. Feebly, she leaned her back against the nearest wall, just under the faucet and then slowly, she sank down, one excruciating inch at a time.

Her heavy tears blended with the water and Kara sat there, drawing her knees into her chest, even as the motion caused her more pain and for the first time in a long time, she didn't know what to do.

---- ----

Kara had been awfully quiet since that first outburst and Lee didn't like it. He also noted that in the past five minutes he hadn't heard a break in the stream of water coming from the shower. He knew the sounds it should make, when someone stepped underneath or raised their arms to rinse out their hair. Right now, it just sounded like that water was falling to the floor unimpeded.

And that meant something was wrong.

Knowing she'd probably bite his head off, Lee took a deep breath and carefully approached the curtain. "Kara?"

When he received no response, even after counting to ten, his worry spiked. "Kara, are you okay?"

Still no answer. Lee clenched his fists at his sides and tried to bury his fear. "Kara, if you don't answer me, I'm coming in there."

When even that didn't elicit a response, Lee knew she was in trouble. A million different scenarios raced through his mind in the split second it took him to pull aside the curtain. As Lee glanced into the stall, the sight before him broke his heart.

If he had thought Kara looked fragile before, she looked downright breakable now. Her pale skin stood out in stark contrast to the gray tiles, while the mottled bruises and cuts that covered her skin looked like some kid's idea of a gross finger painting. She had managed to get her hair wet, but it only served to make her look more feeble and Lee found himself frozen for a moment with uncertainty.

Knowing that the idea of him joining her in the shower might very well cause her to lash out, Lee still refused to do nothing. Praying for guidance, he found that for once the Gods were listening.

Lifting her head from between her knees, Kara stared at him, tear stains evident on her cheeks and simply said his name. "Lee."

"Hang on," he told her, stripping out of his tanks and cargoes in record time. Leaving on his briefs, he stepped back into the shower and approached her, kneeling before her and placing a tentative hand to her knee. Her skin was like ice.

"Frak, Kara, you've got to get back under this water. You're freezing."

"It hurts, Lee," she murmured, eyes vacant and staring at a point past him. "It hurts so frakkin' much."

"I know, baby," he whispered, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her forehead, before cradling the back of her head in his hand and resting it against his shoulder. "I know, that's why we've got to finish up this shower and get you back to Life Station so Cottle can give you some drugs."

She nodded slightly against him, but made no other move. Swallowing thickly, Lee whispered, "I'm going to help you, okay?"

Kara pulled back slightly at his question, meeting his gaze with her own tear-filled eyes. After a moment of searching his eyes intently, she nodded slightly and Lee felt a weight lift off his chest. "Okay," he murmured, speaking in low, gentle tones as if steadying a frightened animal. Reaching towards the ledge for the soap, shampoo and washcloth, he placed them on the floor within reach and then rose. Picking Kara up, she came willingly and despite the feel of her naked body against him, the last thing Lee felt in this moment was desire.

He would always want her, no matter what, but right now he just wanted her to be safe and protected—wanted her to _feel_ safe and protected—and loved. He hoped he could do that for her.

Walking just two steps until they were in the spray of the water, Lee knelt again, resting back on his heels, while keeping Kara cradled in his lap. She held on with one arm around his shoulders and he adjusted her so she straddled him. He knew in any other context they would laugh about the ridiculousness of this position, but at the moment, Kara simply rested her head against his shoulder and sighed.

Lee pawed around for the washcloth and the bar of soap, lathering it up and then gently drew it along Kara's back. She tensed as the fabric hit her skin. Despite his best efforts to find the softest rag in the Fleet, the fact was they were still military issue and not the greatest.

"Sorry," he hissed against her ear, immediately removing the cloth and simply holding her as she shook slightly against him.

"S'okay," she finally murmured and Lee tried again. This time Kara tensed, but didn't cry out and Lee gently traced the soapy cloth along her back.

Once he was done he turned slightly to bring Kara into the direct line of the spray and rinsed off the soap, before lathering up again and gently working her arms from around his neck. Taking her right hand, he drew the cloth up the length her arm, along her shoulder and collarbone. He made sure to draw it along the underside as well and then repeated the motion with the left.

She actually sighed as he continued his ministrations and it bolstered Lee's spirit. He hated the idea that she might associate his touch with pain, even though they both knew it wasn't his fault. Rinsing off one arm and then the other, Lee got more soap and then shifted to his right, reaching for her knee and straightening out her leg as much as possible.

It was a little difficult to keep her in his lap while washing her leg, but he managed and Kara again sighed. He could feel the tension easing out of her body the longer he worked and found his own tension was lessening as well. However, as he shifted again and reached for her left leg, his entire body stiffened.

The scars were still covered, Cottle's bandages holding up even with the onslaught of water. However, even the motion of straightening out her leg caused Kara pain, and a small groan escaped her lips.

"Sorry," he whispered again, glad when she opened her eyes to his and managed to nod.

He soaped and rinsed the leg as quickly as he could, wishing for a fleeting moment that he had a razor and shaving cream. He guessed Kara would love the feel of freshly shaven legs, but he also knew she was fading fast and he still had to wash her hair as well as … other parts.

With her already leaning away from him, Lee drew the washcloth back along her collarbones and slowly traced a path with it between her breasts and along her ribcage and stomach. He was mindful of all the bruises he could see, but didn't miss how she bit her lip when he passed over a particularly vivid bruise that wrapped from underneath her left breast to her lower back.

While in any other circumstance, Lee would have paid an inordinate amount of attention to Kara's breasts, he forced himself to think clinically, to keep in mind that Kara wanted to be clean and that he was here to help. He felt betrayed as his body gave a little jolt when his hands, with the cloth between his skin and hers, washed over the soft flesh. Kara released a small moan as well as his thumb glanced against her skin, but Lee focused on rinsing off the soap to keep his imagination from running away with him.

"Kara?"

It took her a moment to again open her eyes and Lee began to wonder if she hadn't been dozing. "Do you want me to--?"

He glanced down and then back and knew that his face was a ridiculous shade of red. Kara squinted at him for a moment and then her own cheeks flamed pink. "I'll do it. Just help me wash my hair first."

He nodded, shamefully relieved. There was just no way he was coming back from _that_ without an erection. He was already painfully close and slightly ashamed at his arousal. It seemed that even injured Kara Thrace held the key to his desires.

Reaching for the shampoo, Lee squeezed some into his hands and then lifted them to Kara's head. Rubbing her scalp gently, he massaged the pink goop through her hair, noting as he did how filthy it truly was. It was amazing she hadn't actually scratched her scalp raw.

Subtly at first, Lee used his thumbs to make circular patterns over her temples and along to the base of her scalp. He exerted a little more pressure than normal remembering with fondness a particular woman in his past that had given unbelievable scalp massages. It had been utterly relaxing.

As he pressed a bit harder, Kara released a soft moan from where her head was again rested in the crook of his neck and shoulder. He paused for a moment, worried that perhaps that had been a sound of pain, but then softly, he heard her whisper, "No, it feels good."

Smiling slightly, Lee continued to massage her scalp, trying his best to remember all the pressure points. As he worked, Kara's body grew more boneless against his and soon he was certain she was asleep, her arms slack at her sides, her breath coming in even bursts against his skin.

Carefully, Lee lifted his hands up and rinsed them off and then slowly tipped her head back. Cradling it in one hand, he let the water wash through her soapy hair, watching the bubbles cascade down to the drain. He did his best to shield her face from any wayward water wondering if he might actually be able to do this without waking her.

Just when he thought he might succeed, she blinked her eyes open. Certain he'd gotten out all the soap, he tilted her head forward again and was confronted with her large, luminous eyes. "Hi," he murmured, gently tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

She gave him the smallest smile and whispered back, "Hi," before leaning forward again and wrapping her arms around him, nestling her head back into the crook of his neck.

Lee was loathe to move, hated the thought of disrupting this moment, but the water had already turned from warm to tepid and he didn't want Kara to have to finish her shower in ice cold water. Her body was already having a hard enough time regulating its temperature.

"Kara." He nuzzled the side of her face with his, dropping a kiss to her temple in the process. "Come on, you gotta finish up so we can get you dried off and back to Life Station."

"'m comfy," she murmured against him and Lee laughed softly.

"I know, but my legs are gonna fall asleep and you still have to finish washing." Kissing her cheek again, he whispered, "You don't want to end up using cold water do you?"

Too many pilots on Galactica had been forced to take cold showers at one point or another and everyone agreed the experience sucked.

Groaning, Kara raised her head and pouted at him. Lee resisted the urge to wipe the look from her face with a kiss. "Okay, okay."

Shifting, Lee had to place Kara on the floor of the stall as there was no way his legs, which were now asleep, would allow him to lift her and stand in one motion without pitching them both to the floor. She flinched a little as her bare bottom hit the tiles, but Lee stood as quickly as possible, flexed his legs a few times and then reached his hands down to her.

She took them, holding his gaze as he pulled her slowly to her feet. The motion obviously pained her, but like the soldier she was, Kara hid it. It seemed the shower had relaxed some of her sore muscles.

Handing her the soap and the washcloth, Lee turned and stepped back to the curtain. "Just tell me when you're done," he said, not wanting to linger and make Kara uncomfortable.

Once he'd stepped back outside, he leaned against the cold wall beside the shower and took a few steadying breaths. He had to get his body back under control. It wasn't fair for Kara to assume he was making any demands on her. Especially now.

It wasn't so much that he was aroused, although that could happen with just a few well-timed thoughts and a well-placed hand. It was more that he was absolutely turned on by the vulnerability she'd exhibited. He knew he shouldn't get used to it—that Kara being vulnerable happened about once a decade, but he had to admit, it did fuel his very male ego just a bit that she had trusted him that much.

A violent chill went through his body and he realized he was dripping wet and standing in wet boxers. Having no extra pair to change into, Lee decided to forgo them altogether and stripped off the wet garment, drying himself quickly before pulling his cargos and tanks back on. Reaching for a towel to wrap Kara in, he smiled slightly, hoping she'd appreciate the ones he'd managed to rustle up.

"Kara, you ready?" Lee stepped up to the curtain and waited for her response.

---- ---

Kara had finished washing fairly quickly. She had to admit she felt amazingly clean, although the thoughts racing through her head were decidedly not. She had no desire to sleep with anyone at the moment, but the way in which Lee had held and cared for her, the way he had bathed her without treating her like a child, made the love she felt for him undeniably strong.

Standing for one more blessed minute beneath the spray of the shower, she heard Lee call to her and knew it was time to go. Reaching for the faucet, she turned it off, finding even that task difficult to complete with her depleted strength. Frak, it was gonna be good to be well again.

"Okay," Kara called quietly, taking slow steps back to the corner of the stall. She was proud that she was able to accomplish the two steps without the aid of a steadying hand or the wall.

Just as she arrived, Lee pushed the curtain aside, holding up a large, white towel. She stepped into it, bracing herself as she imagined the roughness of the material on her skin. The towels on Galactica were made of the same stuff as the washcloths.

However, as Lee brought her closer and wrapped the towel around her, tucking one side into the other, she realized this towel was not like all the others on Galatica. Glancing down, she spotted a logo on one end. Running her hand along it, she sighed and closed her eyes—it was the softest thing she had felt in a long time.

"Do you like it?"

Opening her eyes, she smiled softly. "Where the frak did you get these?"

"The gift shop," Lee told her, reaching for another one and beginning to rub her hair dry. "Most of the rest of the stuff's been requisitioned for the Fleet, but I know a guy."

"Let me guess," Kara said, forcing herself to stand still as Lee gently pressed the ends of her hair into the towel. "A tall man with glasses, goes by the name 'Commander'."

Lee shrugged. "Maybe."

Kara could only shake her head. She'd have to be sure to thank the Old Man for this. It was truly a treat and the only fabric she'd found in the past few weeks that didn't make her skin scream in discomfort.

Lee worked around her, drying her hair and by the time he was back facing her, she had begun to get a little cold. Shivering once, she tried to shake it off , but Lee caught it instantly. "All right, let's sit you down."

Kara nodded and foolishly tried to take a step or two without him. However, now that the adrenaline from the shower had dissipated, her muscles just weren't ready for the strain and she stumbled, almost hitting the floor knees first, except for Lee's strong arms around her waist.

"I got you," he whispered, as Kara panted heavily, fighting a few different pain centers that had flared through her body. "I got you," he murmured again, face pressed into her hair, body warm against her back.

After a moment, Kara felt okay to move and she took a lurching step towards the bench. Lee followed the movement and guided her down. Reaching for her clothes, he pulled a pair of socks from the back of his cargoes. "I found these too," he told her, kneeling down at her feet and putting them on. Instantly, Kara felt a few degrees warmer.

She reached for her tanks, sliding one over her head, but having a hard time navigating the armholes. As soon as Lee was done with her feet, he helped her, lifting her arms up and threading them through. Kara felt her eyes drooping even as he continued to help her. Now that she was comfortably dressed and thankfully clean, she knew she'd finally get a good night's sleep.

"Come on, Kara. Stay with me, just one more to go." Lee's chiding voice brought her back to the present. Through hazy eyes, she watched as he guided her feet into the legs of her pants and lifted them all the way up to her thighs. Pausing as his hands reached under the towel, he met her gaze with a questioning one of his own.

She gave him the most imperceptible nod, before moving her arms around his neck once more. Helping her stand, Lee slid the pants up to her waist, mindful to keep it a little low so as not to aggravate the bandages.

Kara couldn't believe how much better she felt. She actually felt human again and that was a feat. Arms still around Lee's neck, she gently toyed with the hair at his nape, getting his attention. With his baby blues so close, Kara felt her heart skip a beat in her chest. Leaning forward, she pressed a soft, chaste kiss to his lips, before leaning back and pressing her forehead to his. "Thank you," she murmured.

Lee only nodded, holding her close for a moment. Kara wished she could have stayed that way for hours, but her body was quickly losing the battle with consciousness. As she swayed dangerously on her feet, Lee broke the stalemate. "All right, back to Life Station."

With barely any effort, he swung her into his arms and Kara was asleep in the time it took him to walk her back to her chair.


	6. Chapter 5

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Chapter 5

---- -----

Kara's good night's rest was short-lived. She didn't remember Lee bringing her back to Life Station or even tucking her into bed. She didn't remember Ishay replacing the IV or Cottle speaking to Lee in hushed tones, asking how she had weathered her shower.

She didn't even remember Lee pausing to give her a kiss on the forehead before he was ordered out of Life Station by the ornery doc who insisted he looked almost worse than Kara.

_What she remembered was cold and darkness. She couldn't see anything, but she could feel the cold smooth wall at her back and knew she was pressed up against tile. As she felt around her, she was greeted with more darkness, more cold, more smooth wall that offered no hope of escape._

_Heart pounding, Kara ordered herself to breathe deep, refusing to panic. Instead, she tried to take a step forward, her swollen knee painfully stiff as she struggled to find a way out. However, even as she tried to move, she found she couldn't. She didn't feel any restraints on her wrists or ankles, but every time she attempted to inch away from the hard wall at her back, she found herself more tightly plastered against it. _

_Her breathing was coming in ragged pants and despite her resolve to stay calm, she couldn't. She was trapped, alone in the dark and she couldn't move; she couldn't get herself out. Who had put her here? What did they want?_

_Each question simply invoked another spike of panic and Kara knew she was close to hyperventilating._

"_Take it easy, Kara."_

_The disembodied voice settled her enough that she could at least speak. "Who's there?"_

"_It's me, Kara," he told her and then, standing before her in a column of yellow light was Sam, tall, healthy, strong. He was smiling at her, the dog tag she'd left with him strung on a piece of leather around his neck._

_Kara almost sobbed in relief. "Sam, I need your help."_

"_Why?"_

_Fear quickly filling her gut, she told him, "I can't move, Sam. I need you to get me out of here."_

_His smile deepened, becoming almost indulgent as he moved forward, the light staying with him as though he were the lead in a Caprican drama. "Kara, calm down. You're fine."_

"_How can you say that?" she demanded, trying and failing one more time to move. "Where is this? What's going on?"_

"_Kara, you're back on Caprica," he told her, voice deceptively soft. "That's what you wanted, right? To come back and rescue me?"_

_A different kind of fear welled in Kara's heart, stealing her voice. She nodded, swallowing hard, wishing now she could move and get away from Sam's advancing form. She knew, somehow, some way, that she didn't want him getting closer._

_The slap across her cheek was sharp and so hard she saw stars. "Liar!" he screamed at her, taking her roughly by the shoulders. _

_Kara cried out, his punishing grip aggravating her already sore skin. "Sam, let go!" she screamed, doing her best to shake him off. But she was far too weak._

"_You lied to me, Starbuck," he sneered, pulling her so close their noses were almost touching. "You're not going to rescue me, you're going to stay there, safe with your new boy toy!"_

_How could he know about Lee? "Sam, please." Tears were running down her face and she was finding it almost impossible to take a deep breath. "Sam. I'll come back. I promise."_

"_Stop lying!" he screamed. _

"_Anders. Easy, we don't want her damaged." Another calm, cool voice that sent shivers down her spine reached her from the shadows and Kara sagged against the wall, knowing she had no hope of surviving whatever came next._

_A tall form stepped into a cone of light and Kara barely registered his greeting over the loud pounding of her heart against her rib cage. "Hello Starbuck," Simon told her, a jagged piece of bloody mirror held tight in his fist._

_The Cylon looked to Anders, the same serene smile on his features that she remembered. "Threatening Starbuck's not going to get you anywhere," he told the ex-Pyramid player, as he brandished the shard of glass. Reaching into the darkness beside him, Simon pulled a bruised and battered Lee into the light, holding the crude weapon to his jugular._

"_Lee!" Kara screamed, desperate to get his attention, needing him to look at her. She struggled even harder against Anders, but his hold was unyielding. _

_As the Cylon poised the tip of the glass, still coated with its own blood to Lee's neck, he smiled sickly at Kara and said, "Kill Apollo and Starbuck will fall," he said triumphantly, before jabbing Lee in the throat._

_His body crumpled to the ground and suddenly they were alone, Kara and Lee's expiring body. She charged for him, falling to her knees next to him, forgetting her own pain as she cradled his head in her lap. The blood from the severed artery flowed over her hands and lap and Kara fought the urge to be sick at the feeling of his life spilling out around her. "No, Lee," she pleaded, holding him tight against her, his blood soaking into her tanks. "Lee, don't leave me. Please. Don't do this."_

_He didn't answer her, didn't even open his eyes. Instead, he went limp in her hold and Kara could only rock his lifeless body back and forth, a litany of "no, no, no" coming out in a pathetic whimper._

---- ----

Lee had returned to Life Station, sneaking in between the change from night to morning shifts. He knew the doc would throw a fit if he saw him there, but he'd spent six restless hours in his bunk and that was plenty. Now, he just needed to be with Kara.

It had almost killed him to leave her, especially after their shared moment in the showers. He'd wanted nothing more than to climb into bed with her, wrap her up in his arms and keep her safe and warm throughout the night. But Cottle had made it clear that Kara needed good, deep sleep if she was going to get better. And apparently, the doc didn't think the two of them sharing a narrow hospital bed was conducive to that.

Keeping an eye out for anyone who might want to tattle on the CAG, Lee headed for Kara's bed, parting the curtains around it as quietly as he could.

The second he was inside the curtain, he paused as he registered the distressed sound of Kara in the grip of a nightmare. Heading to her side in two steps, he reached quickly for her hand, disliking the alabaster sheen to her skin and the beads of sweat that were forming along her hairline. Her face was pinched with pain and Lee felt his heart lodge itself in his throat.

"Kara. Kara, wake up." He squeezed her hand as tightly as he dared, while running his other hand through her hair. "It's okay, Kara. You're safe, just wake up."

Wide, terrified eyes greeted him as she came awake, her gulping breath setting off a few of the machines surrounding her bed. As the beeping started, she closed her eyes once more.

"Kara. Can you hear me?" he asked, right before Ishay came bustling in, eyes intent on the wailing machines.

"What happened?" she demanded, stethoscope already out and pressed against Kara's heart.

"I don't know," Lee told her, keeping his firm hold on Kara's hand. "She was sleeping and then she starting calling out. I think she had a nightmare."

The nurse nodded, before lacing her stethoscope around her neck and leaning over Kara. "Lieutenant Thrace, I need you to try and breathe for me, all right?" Ishay held Kara's gaze, quietly talking her through a few deep breaths, which seemed to appease the readouts.

Lee breathed in and out right with them, finding his own heart needed calming as well. What had happened? What could Kara have dreamed that would cause such a strong reaction? He was desperate to know; he was desperate to find out what had broken Kara so irrevocably.

"There we are," Ishay murmured, making a few other notes in Kara's chart. The patient was indeed far calmer than only moments before.

"What happened?" Lee asked, his hold on Kara's hand unwavering.

"She had a panic attack, Captain," the nurse told him evenly. "It was more than likely caused by her nightmare."

Lee brought his eyes back to Kara, noting how intent she was on staring at the ceiling above her. Even as he gave her hand a squeeze, trying to get her attention, she kept her eyes riveted away from him.

It wasn't until Ishay took her leave that Lee tried again. "Kara? Can you tell me what happened?"

She didn't look at him, but she shook her head once, closing her eyes and releasing a heavy sigh. Lee couldn't help the sting of hurt he felt at her refusal to confide in him.

He felt her tug on his hand and he looked down, panicking as she tried to pull away. Eyes flying back to her face, he shook his head once. "No, Kara. Uh huh. Don't push me away. Not now."

He couldn't be sure, but it looked like his words caused her more anxiety as another few tears fell down her face. But at least she stopped trying to separate them. With a heavy sigh, Lee sat in the chair next to the bed, still holding tight to her hand. Sitting forward, he kept his focus on Kara and waited.

Keeping his silence was excruciating, but Lee hoped that showing a little more patience might encourage her to trust him again.

But the quiet remained and Kara refused to look at him. As the minutes passed, her fearful expression was replaced instead by a blank look that frightened him more than her tears. She was slipping away from him, he could see it. Lee swallowed hard; maybe now was the time to fight.

"Kara." No reaction. "Kara, look at me. Please." Still nothing. Taking a deep breath, Lee said softly, "Kara, I'm not leaving you. You can give me as much of the silent treatment as you want, but I'm staying. Got it?"

He gave her hand a quick squeeze to reiterate his point. And then she spoke. "Go, Lee. I don't want you here."

The words were like a punch to the gut, but he fought back his automatic reaction. She was pushing him away on purpose—it was like Kara 101. He figured with five years of friendship under his belt, Lee had a PhD in "Kara Thrace."

"Nope. I'm not buying it." He saw her roll her eyes and actually felt a little better. If she was annoyed with him, at least she wasn't ignoring him. "Tell me what happened."

Her eyes squeezed shut again and she took a shuddering breath. Lee felt her entire body shake and he covered their joined hands with his other one, trying to remind her she wasn't alone. "Kara, it'll be okay. I promise."

"It will never be okay!" she screamed, her voice hoarse from disuse. Lee blinked once, surprised by her outburst, but before he could comment, Cottle stormed into their enclave, anger evident on his features.

"What part of 'she needs rest,' did you not understand, Captain?" he barked, arms crossed over his chest as he stared Lee down.

Despite the other man's obvious anger, Lee didn't move. "She had a nightmare, doc. I didn't do that."

"No, but you're preventing her from resting now," the other man retorted. Pointing the way he'd come, he ordered, "Out now. I don't want to see you back in here for twelve hours."

Shocked at what he considered to be a completely unreasonable request, Apollo met the other man's gaze. "What?"

"You heard me," Cottle told him, pulling a cigarette from the pocket of his lab coat and lighting it, before reaching for Kara's chart. "I want you out of my sight for twelve hours. I see you in here even a minute before than that and I'll ban you for good."

Setting his jaw, Lee fought the urge to punch the other man; he didn't really relish a trip to the brig. "Doc, I really don't think—"

"You want me to make it an order, Captain?" Cottle asked.

Swallowing down another wave of anger, Lee took a deep breath and then glanced to Kara. She was staring at him wide-eyed, but he had no hope of understanding half the emotions he saw in her eyes. But, despite Cottle's arrival, despite their discussion, despite her assertion that she wanted him to leave, she hadn't released her hold on his hand.

Taking another deep breath, Lee made a choice. Sitting once more at Kara's bedside, he told Cottle evenly, "I'm staying, Doc."

---- ----

He'd been stewing in the brig for an hour when his father came to see him. Lee hadn't sat once, choosing instead to pace the small cell, stopping every few minutes to glare at the marine who had dragged him down here from Life Station, physically wrenching his hand from Kara's as the doc accused him of insubordination.

Even sixty minutes later, Lee was still fuming.

"Corporal, I wonder if you could give me a minute with the captain?"

His father's gruff voice was unmistakable and Lee stood at the bars, waiting for the Old Man to let him out of here. As the marine rose and saluted, heading for the corridor, Lee watched his father approach, pulling the chair toward the cell and sitting.

Once the hatch was shut and they were alone, Lee spoke. "Dad, this is ridiculous. Cottle had—"

"Captain, you're going to be quiet, unless you fancy bunking here for a night or two."

Lee snapped his mouth shut, hating the fact that his father was choosing now to pull rank. Didn't he understand how important it was for him to be with Kara? Hadn't the Old Man basically told him to stick close, to watch over her?

"This cannot happen, Lee," the Admiral said, eyes staring at him fiercely. "I understand your devotion to Kara, but I cannot get a call from Life Station telling me that the CAG, a respected officer on this ship, is openly and loudly defying a superior officer."

He tucked his chin into his chest, staring at the floor and Lee was smart enough to stay quiet. Rationally, he knew he'd crossed a line, but nothing about this was rational. It was _Kara_.

"Do you understand me?"

He knew that question demanded an answer. "Yes, sir."

"Good." The Old Man released a sigh and then rose, but instead of leaving as Lee expected, he stepped up to the bars and said, "You'll have to stay in here until your shift. Then, once you're off shift, I want you to report to your bunk and I don't want you back in Life Station until tomorrow at oh-seven hundred. Understood?"

Lee nodded, decidedly unhappy about the situation, but knowing there was nothing he could do. And now he had five more hours to sit here and worry about Kara and then another eight hours on shift. Great.

"All right, then," Adama murmured, replacing the chair as he headed for the hatch.

Before he was gone, Lee found his voice, knowing there was at least one thing he could do from this cell. "Dad?"

Turning, the older man offered him a smile. "Don't worry, son. I'm heading to Life Station now."

Lee released a sigh of relief, glad to know Kara wouldn't be alone for the next eighteen hours. If he couldn't be there, he figured his father was the next best thing.

With a heavy sigh, he fell unceremoniously to the bunk. Maybe Kara would actually talk to the Old Man.

He rubbed a hand over his face, stifling a chuckle. Yeah, right, like Kara was going to talk to anybody.

---- ----

Kara knew she was in trouble when her next visitor, about two hours after Lee had been dragged to the brig, was the Old Man.

He looked amiable enough as he entered her curtained-off area and took a seat at her bedside. She returned his slight smile with one of her own and didn't ignore him, as she had his son. Adama had no idea how privileged he should feel at such treatment.

They were quiet for a full minute, before Adama finally said with a sigh, "What's going on, Starbuck?"

She squinted at him as she asked, "Sir?"

"Kara."

She bristled at the pure disappointment in his voice. She couldn't stand it, not from the Old Man.

"What happened, Kara?" His blue eyes were intent on her as he asked, "What happened on Caprica?"

She swallowed hard knowing that he didn't actually know anything; he was fishing, that was all. But her heart still thundered as his question brought a handful of horrific memories swimming to the forefront of her mind.

"I got shot on Caprica, sir," she said, refusing to drop the rank and file. She needed the distance; it would keep her safe. "I got the arrow, I found Helo and whatever-she-is, I got shot and then we hotwired a bird and got back to the Fleet. That's what happened."

If it was possible, the Admiral's expression grew sadder. "You have two scars, Kara, and the second one isn't a gunshot." She swallowed hard, refusing to give anything away. "So, I'm going to ask you again: what happened on Caprica?"

With a sigh, Kara closed her eyes and wondered how far she could really push the Old Man. Was there a chance she could deny it again and he'd actually drop it? Considering how tenacious his son was, she highly doubted it, but Kara wasn't ready to admit to anyone, least of all the man she considered a father, all that had transpired on her former home world.

Especially considering she was in love with his son and had stupidly let pride, fear and weakness drive her into the arms of a stranger.

Yeah, that wasn't going to go over well.

"Sir—"

"Kara, I'll let Lee out of the brig early," he threatened, the slightest twinkle to his eye. Despite it, she knew he was serious. "And I'll overrule Cottle's order and tell Lee that the only place he needs to be for the next week or so is right here, at your bedside."

She scowled, hating that the Old Man was playing dirty; she should have known he would.

"It's your choice, Kara. You tell me or you tell Lee, but either way, you're fessing up to what happened on Caprica."

He wasn't joking; Kara knew that. Turning away from him, she stared at the ceiling and bit out through clenched teeth, "You don't know what you're asking, sir."

"I'm asking one of my pilots to give me a mission report," he retorted. When she still didn't speak, he added in a quieter tone, "And I'm asking the young woman I consider a daughter to trust me."

One tear fell and then the next and Kara placed a shaky hand over her face, refusing to let the Old Man see her cry. As the silent tears continued, Adama stroked a gentle hand through her hair, his touch so similar to Lee's it made her cry harder. As a silent sob seized her chest, she heard the Old Man's whispered voice in her ear, "Let us help you, Kara."

Sighing heavily, she knew it was time. She had pushed them away as hard as she could for as long as she could, but she couldn't anymore. Taking a minute to collect herself, she wiped her cheeks and then turned to Adama. "I'll tell Lee," she said, ignoring the surprised look on his face. "But give me a little time, please. I want to at least feel a little more like myself than I do right now."

Adama nodded after holding her gaze for another minute. He rose, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead that almost triggered another torrent of tears. "He'll be back tomorrow at oh-seven hundred. I'm not going to tell him anything about our conversation. If he asks, which I'm sure he will, it'll be up to you to tell him. If I found out that you haven't, I'll be very upset."

Kara nodded. "Yes, sir. I understand."

The Old Man left and only then did Kara really let the tears come. This was it, her back was up against the wall and she had no choice. She'd have to tell Lee what had happened on Caprica and live with the consequences. She wished the very thought of watching Lee storm out of Life Station, anger and hurt etched into his face didn't chill her to the bone.

---- ----


	7. Chapter 6

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Chapter 6

---- ----

Lee had actually been sleeping, albeit uncomfortably, when the sound of his name being called and the cell door opening startled him awake.

"Captain Adama?"

"What is it?" he asked, trying to get his bearings as he wiped sleep from his eyes.

"You're needed in life station, sir. ASAP," the marine told him, gesturing toward the now open cell door.

In a second, Lee was on his feet. "What's wrong? Is it Lieutenant Thrace?"

"I don't know, sir. Doc Cottle simply called and said you were needed right away."

Lee nodded to the man as he headed out of the cell. Once he was out in the corridor, he took the three flight of stairs and long corridors at a run. Reaching life station, he was winded, but his heart nearly stopped as he heard Kara's pained scream echoing through the room as soon as he entered. "Lee!"

He didn't even stop to ask why they'd called him here. Instead, he simply charged toward Kara's curtain, flinging it back to find Cottle and Ishay hovering uncertainly as Kara thrashed on the bed.

"What's wrong?" Lee demanded as he reached her side, taking one of Kara's hands in his.

"She's having another damn nightmare and nothing we do seems to work," Cottle told him irritably. Lee knew he wasn't actually angry at his patient, just upset that as her doctor he couldn't fix it. "We thought maybe you could do something."

Lee looked at the older man dumbly. "What the hell can I do?'

"Talk to her, Captain," Ishay told him, her voice far less frantic than the major's. "Take her hand, let her know you're here. Obviously, whatever she's dreaming about involves you. And it sounds decidedly unpleasant."

He frowned, but did as Ishay instructed. His hand already around hers, Lee held on tight, sitting on the edge of Kara's bed. Her movements had stilled somewhat, but she was still turning, her face twisted with a sick combination of pain and fear as sweat fell off her face and into her hair, coloring it a dark brown.

"Kara?" he called softly, placing his other hand against her head and stroking her hair softly. "Kara, come on. Wake up. It's just a dream. You're okay."

"Lee," she whimpered once more and his heart nearly stopped. She sounded so distraught. "Lee, don't leave me, please."

"Kara. I'm right here." Leaning forward, he pressed his forehead to hers and lowered his voice so Cottle and Ishay wouldn't hear. "Kara, it's Lee and I love you. Come back to me."

She awoke with a sharp intake of breath. Leaning back abruptly, Lee watched Kara's eyes flutter open, feeling the biggest weight lift off his chest as he again gazed into those hazel depths.

"Lee?" her voice was so shaky, he almost didn't recognize it. He felt her cold fingers reach for his cheek.

"It's me, Kara. I'm here, you're okay."

Recognition washed over her face before it crumpled with sadness and her body began to shake, huge, shuddering breaths wracking her frame. Lee pulled her into his side. "Shh, it's all right, Kara."

"I'm sorry," she breathed. "I'm sorry, Lee."

Lee had no idea what she was apologizing for, but the true regret in her tone made his eyes sting uncomfortably. "Everything's okay, Kara. I love you."

She shuddered and then pressed her forehead into his neck and breathed, "I love you."

Even as Lee reveled in her saying the words, his heart beat sharply as he realized just how much healing she had left to do.

Cottle and Ishay shooed Lee away then stating they needed to do a quick check of her vitals, even as Kara refused to let him go. With a gentle promise that Lee would be allowed to return once he and Ishay were done, Kara finally released him. As he reluctantly left the bed, he saw Kara's eyes meet his, a question surfacing through the fear. "I'll be back," he mouthed and he thought for sure she nodded before he slipped out.

When the doc stepped out five minutes later, he asked, "How is she?"

"All right, now that she's awake." Cottle glanced over his shoulder and then turned back to Lee, concern evident on his features. "Whatever she's carrying with her, she needs to let it go, Captain. See if you can get her to talk."

Lee almost fired off a sharp retort along the lines of "why don't you get her to talk," but held his tongue. He gave the doctor a nod and then the other man left.

Lee's breath caught in his throat as he stepped back into Kara's room to find her hazel eyes staring at him. He had never her seen so lost before and it physically pained him. Noting his gaze, she quickly averted her eyes, staring at the ceiling of Life Station while she took deep, shaky breaths. Lee was certain he had seen tears pooling there. He would do anything to take them away.

Gingerly, he sat on the edge of her bed, reaching for her hand. As soon as his warm fingers closed around her frozen ones, she flinched, but Lee refused to give up the contact.

"Are you all right?" he asked softly, realizing it was a stupid question.

She shook her head slightly and then closed her eyes, rolling her face towards him and sighing heavily. With her eyes closed, Lee could see the deep bags beneath them—the ones that looked like she'd lost a fight with a very burly opponent. He could also see the paleness of her skin and the exhaustion that seem to permeate her entire being.

Thinking she'd fallen asleep, Lee tentatively reached out a hand and laid it softly against her cheek. Just as he was about to lean down and place a kiss to her forehead, her eyes fluttered opened and she whispered, "Hey."

"Hey. How are you feeling?" he asked, before pressing his lips to her chilled skin.

She frowned and Lee knew that was the only answer he'd get.

"What did you dream about?" He desperately wanted to help her move past it.

"Caprica, mostly."

He had suspected as much. "What happened there?"

She managed a small snort of derision that reminded Lee so vividly of Starbuck, he smiled. "What _didn't_ happen on Caprica might be the easier question to answer," she murmured.

He thought she'd say more, but instead she released another breath and then just stared past him. Lee resisted the urge to push her and instead moved his hand from her cheek to comb through her hair. She closed her eyes at the comforting gesture and Lee felt the weight in his heart lighten. If he could help her, in any way he'd do it, and seeing some of the tension leave her face was a relief.

"It was bad, Lee," she finally whispered, still not opening her eyes. His hand faltered for a second in her hair, but he recovered quickly and continued stroking while she spoke in a whisper. "There were Cylons everywhere. One was even waiting for me at the museum, we got into it."

Lee winced. Having seen her injuries, including the mottled bruises that covered most of her torso, he had some of idea just how painful that must have been.

"Why are there two scars, Kara?" Her eyes fluttered open slowly and he waited until she was again looking at him before continuing. "I think it's time you told me."

With an even heavier sigh than before, Kara pulled away from him, rolling onto her back and staring at the ceiling. Lee felt the absence of her instantly, but stayed where he was. He knew he couldn't force this.

"Do we have to do this now, Lee?"

Lee's heart lurched, but instead of giving into the sadness he felt, he let his angry helplessness rise to the service. "You know what, Kara? We damn well do."

She stared at him, obviously surprised by his demeanor, but Lee just didn't care. She'd put him through hell, she was going through hell and she still wanted to pretend there was nothing to talk about. He'd said he would fight; apparently it was time to throw down. "Tell me what the hell happened, Kara. Tell me what they did to you, whoever it was! I need you to tell me!"

He stopped, panting, doing his best to control the sudden outburst of anger; doing his best to get his emotions under control, so he could apologize and beg her forgiveness. Despite how much he wanted answers, he wouldn't live if she pulled herself away from him because he couldn't keep from running off at the mouth.

"Lee." Her steady voice was a surprise, and it caused Lee to pause, still not looking at her, but at least listening. "Lee. Look at me."

He never could refuse her. Taking a deep breath, he glanced to her face and felt his heart fall to his feet, most of his anger going with it. "I don't—" she couldn't finish her thought, pausing to try and gather herself. Lee could see her struggle and just like that, his anger faded, replaced again with the tenderness he'd felt since her return. Reaching for her hand once more, he lifted it slowly to his lips, kissing each knuckle as he held her gaze, watching as tears pooled in her eyes.

He was keeping such a close eye that he could see the breakdown coming. "Lee-" her pained cry was choked off into a sob. Leaning forward, he worked his arm under her, holding her tight to his chest as she shook against him. He had never seen her so shaken—not even after Zak's death, when he'd envied her stoicism.

"Just breathe, Kara. Just breathe." Shifting to sit behind her, he rubbed his hand along her back, hoping to calm her. "Everything's okay, I promise. I'm not going anywhere."

"You …" She was panting, but she seemed determined to get the words out and so, he watched her closely and listened. "You died. In … my …. dream. It was my fault."

Burying his face in her hair, Lee wrapped his arm around her waist and held her tight. "I'm right here, Kara. I'm fine. We're both fine."

"I couldn't stop it, Lee." She turned slightly to face him and the pain on her features made his heart beat sharply in his chest. "I tried, I swear, I tried, but they just kept coming and I—"

Her voice finally dissolved into sobs and she couldn't go on. Turning her more into his body, Lee cradled her to him like a small child, whispering more words of encouragement, trying to comfort her. He couldn't stand to see her this way, but he had no idea how to fix it and so he would just stay close and hope it was enough.

He had no idea how long she cried, how long they sat there. The nurse came to check on them once, but Lee had waved her off and after a cursory glance at Kara's vitals, she'd left them in peace. Now, the lights were dimming for the night cycle and Lee knew they both needed rest.

Kara had calmed against him, her breathing still shallow and heavy with tears, but even and he was grateful. Adjusting her slightly, Lee worked his way out from underneath her, moving to a more comfortable position beside her. Kara's grip on him tightened once, but when he simply settled next to her, his arms still around her shoulders and her head resting comfortably on his chest, she relaxed her grip.

Lying with her like this was like coming home, like the most natural thing in the world; he'd missed it, missed her. A comfortable silence had fallen between them and Lee hoped she might finally be able to sleep unimpeded by dreams. But into this silence, she finally spoke and Lee listened intently.

---- ----

"When I was on Caprica, I got taken by the Cylons."

"After you'd been shot." Lee rested his chin to the top of her head. "Yeah, Helo told me."

"When I woke up, I was in a hospital. The doctor introduced himself to me as Simon." Her eyes closed and she could see the room with its green-yellow tile and rusted equipment. She could see Simon too, that genteel smile on his face. She'd actually kind of liked him before she'd found out he was a machine.

"What happened?"

Pushing herself to continue, Kara spoke in low, even tones. "He gave me some pain meds and I slept for Gods know how long. Every time I woke up, he'd show up and just give me more meds. One time I woke up and there was another scar."

She shivered, unable to help it as the sense memory hit her hard. "It's okay, Kara. You're safe."

"I asked him about it and he said there'd been internal bleeding, they had to go back in and operate. He was going to give me drugs again and I didn't want them, I wanted to be awake, just for a while, you know? So I fought him." She bit back a sob, one that she couldn't control. "I was so helpless, Lee."

That was the crux of it really. Kara Thrace, Starbuck, was never helpless and yet, she had been at that moment. "That's never happened before, not really. Even when I crashed on that damn planet, I still got myself home." The grip she held on his tanks tightened once more. "But I was so sore and tired and weak, and I couldn't move. I figured no one was coming for me and I'd be there forever. I thought …"

Kara couldn't finish the thought. Instead, she struggled to take a breath. Quickly, Lee acted, whispering in her ear, "It's okay, Kara. You're safe, I promise you, you just need to breathe."

She tried to focus on his voice, focus on the act of pulling air into and pushing it out of her lungs. With her eyes still closed, it was easier to admit this next part. "Simon started talking about how my reproductive system was my greatest asset. How I was healthy and I owed it to the human race to start making babies. I told him to frak off, but he just wouldn't shut up about it." Slowly, she opened her eyes and craned her neck to meet Lee's gaze. "He knew about my mother, Lee. Knew what she did, what I lived through. How did he know about my mother?"

Lee had to swallow hard several times before he could find his voice. "I don't—I don't know, Kara."

She shook the image of a dying Socrata from her mind and continued with her story, knowing she was almost done. "Finally, he slipped up, called me Starbuck. I hadn't told him my callsign, there was no way he could have known it.

"Next time he tried to make me sleep, I bent the IV so the drugs wouldn't work. He came in and I jammed him in the jugular with a shard of glass. I could barely walk, but I had to get out of there. I almost ran into another skin job, so I ducked into this room and—

"They're breeding women, Lee." She leaned back a bit, so she could face him, blinking back tears. "Human women, women who must have survived the initial attacks. They've got them hooked to these awful machines and they're barely alive. I couldn't—" She raised a shaky hand to shield her eyes.

"Kara." Lee's voice called to her gently. She felt him take the hand from over her eyes and hold it in his own, kissing her knuckles, before softly rubbing his thumb along her cheek. "Kara, you're okay. Everything's okay."

"No, it's not." Her tears dried in an instant. "I don't know what the second scar is, Lee. Based on what I saw in that room—" she stopped, unable to finish the thought, Sue-Shaun's pained face so vivid in her mind. "They were trying to reproduce, Lee. Human women and Cylon sperm. And that scar …" She swallowed hard. "I don't know what they took," she finished in a whisper, her momentary anger leaving her tired once more.

"It kills me to know they took something from me, that they might have—"

"Kara." He spoke her name like a sigh and she squeezed her eyes closed against the pain of her memories. "All that matters is that you're safe. Whatever they wanted, it doesn't matter, because you got away."

"But what if they took—" She couldn't finish the thought, but her hand hovered over where the scars were. "What if they manage to make a baby?" she finished in a whisper, her voice stilted as she imagined a baby with her blonde hair and red Cylon eyes.

"They've probably done a ton of things we'll never know about and a ton more that we'll wish we didn't. And trying to guess, trying to think of the worst case scenarios, it's just—" Lee paused and Kara could feel him swallow hard, could feel his heart pound a bit stronger in his chest. "We have to just keep moving forward, Kara. If we dwell on the 'what ifs', we'll be paralyzed." She felt the soft pressure of his lips against her scalp. "If we stop and think too much about it all, they win," he added softly.

She released a deep breath, eyes closing as she burrowed in tight to his side. "I know."

There was nothing else to say after that. There was no solution. Lee was no doubt desperate to find one, but Kara knew it was useless. The Cylons had done their damage and now she had to live with the aftermath.

A few tears leaked out of the corners of her eyes for a few more minutes. Instead of focusing on the nightmare images her mind was conjuring, she focused on Lee, listening to his heartbeat under her ear. His arm was a comforting, warm weight across her shoulders, his body a welcome pillow beside her.

Silence stretched between them. She realized, as Lee shifted slightly beside her and pressed a kiss to her forehead, that she was finally lying in the arms of the man she wanted. She realized in the same instant she had yet to tell him about Anders, but at this moment, she didn't care. She couldn't stand the thought of being alone, not now. He'd hate her soon enough; for tonight, she'd pretend things could always be this way; pretend that when she woke up the next morning, he'd still be here. He'd still love her.

"Thanks for being here, Lee," she whispered against his skin, pressing a kiss to his collarbone before settling against him again.

He squeezed her closer. "Get some sleep."

Pushing all thoughts of Anders, Caprica and Cylons from her mind, Kara held him tight. She fell asleep listening to him breathe.

---- ----

When she awoke the next morning, she was alone. Kara kept her eyes closed for a few extra seconds, doing her best to tamp down her initial disappointment at Lee's absence. She knew it would be harder now, harder to forget the feel of him beside her, harder to forget the comfort he always managed to provide by simply being there. It would be harder now to live without it. Harder to tell him the truth about Sam and watch him walk away.

With a heavy sigh, Kara opened her eyes, blinking against the bright lights of the day shift. It took her a minute to realize a small scrap of paper was resting on the pillow beside her head. Reaching for it, she read the short message, warmth spreading through her body before she remembered that Lee didn't know the truth yet and therefore, didn't know what he was promising.

_Kara, I had CAP. I hate flying without you. I'll be back after my shift. Love, Lee_

Holding the paper tight in her hand, Kara took a deep breath. She wanted to remember this moment—wanted to remember what it felt like to be cared for. It was a rare and precious feeling for Kara Thrace.

"Well, look who's finally awake."

Cottle's entrance startled her. Rolling her eyes, she tucked the note under her pillow before giving Cottle a glare. "Hiya, doc." She was surprised how rough her voice was; it sounded like she'd swallowed a handful of gravel.

The doctor scowled at her as he lifted her chart and flipped through it, making a few notes from the machines around her. "How are you feeling?" he asked.

She shrugged, glad it didn't make her entire body tense with pain. "Better, I guess. Any clue on when I'm getting out of here?"

"Oh, if I didn't know you better, I'd think that was an insult to my hospitality," he intoned, putting her chart back before crossing his arms over his chest and regarding her steadily. "Honestly though, I don't have a timetable for you."

"Why?" She was feeling better, that was the truth.

His frown deepened. "Because of your nightmares. Those panic attacks of yours are pretty intense. If we weren't able to wake you, I'd worry about your breathing."

Kara stared at the foot of her bed, uncertain just what exactly the doctor was expecting. It wasn't as if she could control her nightmares; the gods knew if she could, she would. "C'mon doc, you can't keep me in here forever."

Cottle nodded. "No, that's true. And maybe once you're fully off your pain meds and your system has regulated itself again, the nightmares will stop. But we've got another week yet before that happens."

She groaned. "A week, doc, really? You're killing me."

"No, I'm actually keeping your sorry ass alive, so you're staying." With one more pointed glare, he turned to leave, pausing at the curtain to tell her, "Oh, but here's something new. We're going to start physical therapy on that knee tomorrow. Won't that be fun?"

He left to her string of insults, chuckling at her annoyance. Great, so now, she wasn't only going to be in life station for another seven days, but her leg was going to start killing her due to Cottle's torture therapy.

Ugh. Kara knew things could be worse; she just couldn't quite fathom how.

---- ----

It'd been five days since Lee had been called to Life Station from the brig and despite his and Kara's shared intimacy after her nightmare, things had not progressed any further. He'd faithfully been to see her every day, listening to Kara moan about the added pain in her knee as Cottle had started her back on a full PT regime. But any attempt at getting her to talk to him, really talk, was always met with a withering glare and small plea for him to leave it be, just for a little while.

Uncertain what else he could do, Lee had been forced to honor her wishes.

The only thing that prevented him from losing all hope was the very real evidence that Kara needed him. While she'd never admit it when she was awake, the nightmares she had every night had not ebbed and Lee had spent the night with her, sometimes just holding her hand, sometimes curled up in bed with her, doing his best to keep her demons at bay, allowing her to sleep.

She never talked about it with him in the morning; never wanted to really share with him what was still haunting her. He'd thought that after she'd confessed what had happened at the Farm, the nightmares would ease a bit. It appeared there was something else from Caprica she was holding close and it was eating her up; which meant it was eating Lee up as well.

Now, he was rushing to get to her, having been held late on his shift as a particularly bad firefight with a dozen Cylon raiders had caused some necessary and immediate repairs on a couple of vipers. Needing a shower, Lee had hurriedly washed up and was now tugging on his sweats and tanks, when the call for him to report to the CO's quarters came across the PA system.

Swallowing a curse, Lee mashed his feet into his boots and took the path to his father's office at a jog. Knocking on the heavy door, he heard his father's muffled, "Come in," before pushing it open and closing it behind him.

His father was sitting at his desk, reviewing a set of files and looked up at his entrance, waving off his automatic salute. "At ease."

Lee relaxed trying to hide his impatience, but the fact was, he hadn't seen Kara in about fourteen hours and that was just too long. "Sir, I just got off shift and I was hoping—"

Holding up a hand, the Old Man smiled and then asked, "How is she, Lee?"

"Better," he answered automatically, still anxious to get to her. "She's been on solid foods for about a week now and Cottle's pleased with her progress with PT."

"That's our girl," the Commander stated, sharing a knowing look with Lee.

He nodded, in complete agreement. He had always believed Kara would get well. She had simply proved him right. Hesitating, he realized his father had given him the perfect opening to share a concern he'd been dwelling on for a few nights now. "There is one thing though, Dad."

"What?"

Lee swallowed hard, knowing he was gambling with a lot here and not sure how it would pay off. "Cottle wants to release her in a few days, but he's hesitant to do so. Honestly, he's gonna have to or Kara's gonna drive him insane."

"What's his concern?" Adama questioned, leaning forward.

"Her nightmares." Lee let out a heavy breath. "She's still having them and they're pretty bad. Honestly, most nights she wakes almost all of Life Station. Cottle thinks she's got a few more months with them before her mind and body can process everything that happened on Caprica."

"He's afraid she'll interfere with the other pilots' sleep?" Adama could do the math.

"And frankly, so am I." That was the truth, although Lee was willing to admit he had a few selfish reasons for his next request. "My pilots are already worn thin, I can't ask them to deal with middle of the night screaming jags."

Adama nodded and then sat back and Lee could see the wheels turning. "Suggestions?"

Lee swallowed hard and jumped in. "I think we should assign Kara private quarters, at least until Cottle clears her for flight status." Adama nodded; Lee knew that was a doable request, there were still empty quarters left over from the initial attack when they'd lost almost a thousand crewmen. He knew the next wasn't going to be so easy. "And I want to stay with her."

His father's blue eyes snapped up quickly. "Excuse me?"

"Kara's nightmares are easier for her to manage if she's with someone. The night's I'm in Life Station are decidedly less intense. Cottle's told me that, I'm sure he'd corroborate it."

Holding up a hand, William Adama gave his son a small smile. "Easy, son. You're not trying a case before Federal court."

Lee winced—his father had no idea that it was often exactly what it felt like to speak with him. "Look Dad, she might tell me to frak off, but I want her to know she has the option. I want her to know she isn't alone through all of this."

"So, you haven't actually asked Kara yet if she's okay with this plan?"

He shook his head. Ask Kara? Was his father insane? She'd probably throw something at him, as her strength was returning. He'd already determined to clear any objects from her reach when he finally broached the subject. "Not as of yet, no."

No doubt remembering a similar conversation between them from a few weeks ago, his father only held his gaze for a moment more before nodding. "I'll grant the request for private quarters for medical purposes. Kara might be well enough to leave Life Station, but she's still got a lot of healing to do. Whether you stay with her or not, is going to be up to her."

He nodded; it was the best he could have hoped for.

"But son?"

Lee glanced to his dad, seeing another grin on his features and wondering what he possibly had up his sleeve. "I'll be sure there's an extra bed."

His cheeks flushed, but he gave his father a murmured, "Thank you," before excusing himself and heading for life station. How in the name of the Gods was he going to get this past Kara?

---- ----


	8. Chapter 7

---- ----

Chapter 7

---- ----

"There's my favorite malcontent."

Kara glanced up as Helo entered her cubicle, unable to help the smile that broke out on her face at the sight of him. She was beyond glad she had found him on Caprica. It had been a blow to lose him during the initial attacks and a true blessing to find him alive.

"There's no need for name-calling, toaster-lover," she shot back with a wide smile as he bent over to give the top of her head a kiss.

"Easy," he murmured with a twinkle in his eye as he dropped his lanky frame into Lee's chair.

No, not Lee's chair, she admonished herself. It was just "a" chair in Life Station … that Lee had spent about ninety-five percent of his time in since her return.

"So, what's up?"

Kara frowned. "What do you think? I've been stuck in here for almost three weeks."

"True, true." Helo leaned forward, lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "What's happening with Lee?"

"None of your business," Kara shot back, but she couldn't keep the tell-tale smile from her face. And Helo was damn good at reading it.

"So, things are going well, I assume?" He was grinning from ear to ear.

"They're definitely not bad," Kara answered coyly. It was true that in the last week, they'd been close; she wasn't quite ready to admit her involvement with Sam, but Lee had been a solid presence in her life ever since that first nightmare.

"I heard a rumor you might get sprung from this joint soon," Helo commented.

"Yes, I've heard the same one, but no one will give me a definite answer!" She raised her voice, knowing either Cottle or Ishay had to be close. As she suspected, Cottle peeked his head between the curtains.

"Keep your voice down, young lady."

"Or what?" Kara challenged. "You'll kick me out?"

"No, I'll keep you here longer, smart ass. And when Captain Adama shows up at fifteen hundred because I told him you were getting released, maybe I'll just tell him I got the dates wrong."

Kara sat up and smiled wide, beaming at the mean old man. "Really? Fifteen hundred?"

"That's what I said. Now, behave." And then Cottle was gone.

"Thank the Gods," Kara sighed, leaning back. She needed to get out of this damn sick bay. It just wasn't the place for long-term care or long-term comfort and three weeks was her max.

"That's great news, Buck," Helo squeezed her hand and then rose, pressing another kiss to her forehead. "I gotta run. I'm on shift in an hour and I still need to head down to the brig and cajole whichever marine's on duty to let me see Sharon."

Kara resisted the urge to make a snide remark and simply smiled. "I guess I'll see you tonight then, in the bunk room."

He gave her a funny look, like maybe he'd eaten bad fish, before leaving with a hasty, "Yeah, see ya."

Kara sat back and puzzled over her friend's odd behavior for only a moment. She was getting out of here in less than three hours; Helo's random comments didn't faze her.

---- ----

Helo met Lee at the hatch to the new quarters the Commander had assigned to Kara. He didn't miss the nervous look on the other man's face or the way his eyes scanned the room, taking in the double bunk and the extra cot, the small kitchen unit and the private head. He also didn't miss the glint of anticipation as he instructed Helo to help him get things ready.

As he unpacked a few utensils and dishes, Helo watched Lee work. He made the double bunk with military precision, even being so fastidious as to make sure the corners were up to spec before dumping a few blankets and a pillow on the cot across the way. As he stooped to unpack Kara's foot locker—the one he had moved from the bunkroom—Helo finally spoke up.

"You realize she might punch you." Lee glanced up, a puzzled expression on his face. Helo elaborated. "After you tell her about your little domestic plan."

The Captain had enough forethought to look embarrassed. "That's not what this is, Helo."

In truth, Helo knew that. He knew that Lee thought, absolutely and completely, that he was doing the right thing for Kara. That she needed some privacy and maybe some company to finish healing over the next few weeks and get her life back on track. In truth, Helo believed that as well. But he also believed that one of his oldest and dearest friends, Kara Thrace, might not see it that way.

"She's already shown you way more weakness than I ever would have thought possible." Helo finished placing the dishes in the cabinet before unpacking a few toiletries. "This might push her over the edge."

"So what you do you suggest I do?" Lee dropped the tanks he'd been holding and stared at Helo, jaw clenched. "I can't just let her … I can't just walk away."

"That's not what I'm saying." He took a deep breath and then said, "All I'm saying is that make sure that Kara's with you on this. Make sure you're not just dragging her along."

Lee stared at him for another moment. As no other question seemed forthcoming, he nodded towards the hatch. "Why don't you go get her? I'll finish up here."

The other man nodded and then went to the door. As he spun it open, he turned back into the room and gave Helo a genuine smile. "Thank you. For everything."

Helo only smiled. Once Apollo was gone, he glanced about the small space and sighed. He really hoped Kara didn't talk herself out of something pretty great with Lee.

---- ----

Kara was happy. She wasn't often a giddy kind of girl, but at this moment, as Lee pushed her wheelchair, lengthening the distance between her and Life Station, she could safely say she felt giddy.

Of course, the fact that Lee had come to get her, the fact that he had helped her into the chair, the fact that he had told Cottle she'd be fine, was definitely adding to her euphoric state. There was a small part of her—a small, but growing part—that liked Lee's attention. She liked the fact that she mattered to him, that he cared about how she was, that he wanted to help her be better. It made her feel special. She hadn't felt that way in a long time.

"We're almost there, Kara."

Tipping her head back, she beamed at him, seeing a similar grin reflected on Lee's face as well. As she again faced front, she took a real interest in their surroundings and asked, "Uh, Lee? Where are we?"

"Lower C deck."

Okay, so she'd been right—they were a long way from the crew quarters. "Why?"

The hall was deserted. Lee stopped the chair, circling it so he could kneel in front of her. "Cottle suggested to my father that you have private quarters, while you finish healing."

Kara swallowed hard, doing her best to stifle the immediate bubble of fear that rose in her throat. Private quarters in this somewhat deserted area of the ship meant she'd be alone. She'd been looking forward to the noise and comfort of the bunkroom, of her fellow pilots. She had hoped that with their constant chatter she might be able to fall asleep and awaken without a nightmare in between.

"The bunk is bigger and more comfortable while you continue to heal," Lee continued, but Kara waved him off.

"And no one will be disturbed by my banshee-like screaming in the middle of the night."

He flinched and Kara knew she was right. "Whatever," she murmured, slumping back in her chair. "What if I need something? What if something happens?"

"Cottle's sending a nurse to check on you every six hours, unless someone's with you and calls to Life Station saying it's not necessary." Lee placed his hand over hers and Kara looked at him out of the corner of her eye. "You're going to be okay."

She still wasn't okay and no one seemed to get that. She shrugged and then crossed her arms over her chest, her momentary burst of giddiness gone and replaced with sullenness that simply masked her growing trepidation. "I'm getting tired. Can we get a move on?"

"Yeah." Lee rose and pressed a kiss to her hair, before resuming his place behind her and pushing.

Kara stared at her lap the rest of the way. Suddenly, Life Station was looking pretty good.

---- ----

She allowed Lee to help her from the chair and across the room, to help her into bed and tuck her in; she was better, but not quite strong enough to do everything for herself yet. As soon as he set her down on the double bunk, Kara released a sigh. It was softer by far than the Life Station beds and even more comfortable than her rack.

Lying back, she stretched her arms out to her sides, amazed that they spanned the bed without hanging off the edges. She felt like she'd just been given an oasis in the middle of the desert.

"Well, this isn't so bad," she commented, glancing up to Lee and immediately feeling the smile slide off her face. His expression was inscrutable, but Kara saw something like longing flash through his eyes before he shook his head and turned away.

"So, the head's through there," he said quickly, gesturing to a hatchway. "And there's a small kitchen unit, obviously here." It was pretty obvious what with the sink and all. "I couldn't get any food, but I'll be back tonight with dinner from the mess."

Kara opened her mouth to speak, hoping she could say something that might get Lee to tell her what was wrong, but nothing came, before he again started labeling the furniture in the room. "I brought your stuff from you locker down and hung it in here. And this comm. has been rewired directly to the Nurse's Station in sickbay. If you need anything, even a drink of water, just hit this and they'll answer."

She was touched at the thought he'd obviously put into all this, but she still didn't quite understand his agitated state. Sitting up slowly, she managed to rest her back against the head of the bed, watching as Lee paced a small circle in the center of the room, weaving a path between the two chairs there.

Over his shoulder, she could see another cot and Kara thought that maybe some of the pieces were coming together. She should have been mad that Lee would make such an assumption; before Caprica, she would have been. Now, she found the thought of Lee watching over her didn't anger her—it comforted her.

Obviously, Lee's discomfort implied that he was still expecting anger to be her first reaction. She supposed that was fair—it had been her first reaction with him for quite a while now.

"Lee."

He stopped abruptly at the sound of her voice, glancing to her quickly, eyes flicking over her form as if assessing damage.

Giving him a small smile, she held out her hand. "Can you come here for a minute, please?" He actually hesitated, but did come to her side, taking her hand and sitting down. Deepening her smile, she stated, "You've got to calm down."

Lee finally smiled at that and nodded. "Yeah, I guess I'm a little edgy."

"A little?" Kara teased. "I've seen panthers on a hunt less edgy than you."

He nodded again, but didn't elaborate and so Kara let it go. She thought briefly of asking him to stay with her, to make sure she slept through the nights okay, but it was another layer of weakness she wasn't quite ready to show.

"Don't you have CAP?" She eased herself back into a horizontal position, allowing Lee to pull the covers back and tuck her in.

"Yeah, I should go." He smiled down at her and Kara thought for a moment he might kiss her, but instead, he just squeezed her hand and then headed for the door.

Watching him walk away proved to be worse than she expected. "But you'll be back with dinner?"

He turned and she saw the promise in his eyes. "I'll be back at eighteen hundred." Nodding towards the comm. he'd pointed out earlier, he added, "Remember, if you need anything, just call."

She nodded and watched as he left, shutting the hatch as quietly as he could. Once he was gone, Kara felt the silence of the room press in upon her. Things hadn't been this silent for months. She felt so far removed from the fight, from the Fleet, from her life, it was unsettling.

She'd already been too long out of the cockpit. It would take weeks more of physio for her muscles to regain the strength they'd need to pull the kind of Gs she did in her bird. Never mind the fact that before she even thought of getting into her plane, she was going to have to, you know, actually walk on her own.

With a disgusted sigh, Kara rolled onto her side, glad she could at least do that without the gnawing pain she'd been experiencing before. She was looking forward to Lee's return even though she guessed tonight would be the night she'd finally tell him about Sam.

Luckily, she was too tired to dwell on it for long before falling into a fitful sleep.

---- ----

Lee didn't make it to the mess to pick up their dinner until nineteen hundred. He hurried through the line as fast as he could, pulling rank and calling in favors to get to the front and secure two plates of algae slop. He wished he had something better to offer Kara, but the fact was, this was it.

Balancing both plates on a tray, he did his best to sprint to her quarters without actually running. It was no small feat.

A squadron of Raiders had ambushed them during CAP, putting two of his pilots in Life Station, hence Lee's tardiness. He was thankful of course that no one had been killed, but every second he spent seeing to his duty was one more second away from Kara.

He'd promised he'd be back and he was pretty sure Kara was counting on him keeping his word. She hadn't looked as excited as he'd hoped when he'd shown her the quarters and he was pretty sure it had been fear in her eyes when she'd realized she was expected to bunk there alone. Of course, that could also have been his wishful thinking, but Lee was taking a fifty-fifty chance that his first instinct was right.

Reaching her hatch, he took a deep breath, before doing his best to open it without spilling their dinner all over the deck. He really hoped his instincts were right. Truthfully, never before had so much been riding on them.

---- ----

Despite being isolated from the crew, Kara could acknowledge that a private, double bunk had its perks. She was warm and comfortable and as she hung in-between sleep and wakefulness, she imagined sharing this bunk with Lee, she imagined him climbing in beside her and keeping her safe, allowing her to sleep without dreams. She smiled softly at the thought.

_The sound of the hatch opening startled her from her thoughts and she rolled over to again face the door. She sat up slowly, flipping on the lamp at her bedside. As her eyes cleared and she focused on the person standing there, her heart began to beat wildly in her chest. A fresh wave of adrenaline coursed through her body and she threw off her covers, rising on shaky legs._

"_You."_

_Simon stood in the doorway with a chunk of glass sticking out of the side of his throat, smiling at her placidly and making her blood boil. "Starbuck, this wasn't very nice." He waved absently at the glass and the trail of blood down the front of his lab coat._

"_Get out." She took a step forward, guessing she wouldn't get very far and knowing she'd never be able to actually fight the guy if that's what it came to. She figured if she could just get to the comm. Lee had rigged, she might have a chance. "How did you even get on board? You're dead."_

"_We don't die, Kara. Not really, you know that." Simon took another step into the room. _

_Kara blinked fast, her vision swimming before her. For a moment, it appeared she was alone, but then she focused again and there he was, standing before her. _

_She glanced about, praying for any sort of object to lob in his direction, but there was nothing and she cursed silently. _

"_You can't kill me, Kara." He'd moved lightning fast, his hand suddenly at her throat, his body pressed tight behind her as the shard of glass she'd used to bring him down was now poised over her jugular. "Not again."_

"_No!" She screamed and threw her elbow back, stumbling as her hit connected with nothing but air. Whirling, she couldn't see him and Kara shook her head hard, trying to bring the room into focus. "Where are you, you bastard?"_

"Kara?"

She whirled toward the sound of Lee's voice, the sudden movement throwing her off balance. She would have crumpled to the ground if Lee hadn't rushed to catch her, bringing them both to the floor. Kara searched frantically for the Cylon interloper, but still couldn't see him.

Panicked, she clawed at Lee's arms where they were wrapped tightly about her waist. "Where is he? He was here."

"Who, Kara?"

"Simon, from Caprica." She still couldn't find him. Breathing was getting harder now and she felt her heart practically beating out of her chest. "He was here. I swear …"

"Kara, there's no one here. You're safe. You're on Galactica and you're safe."

Closing her eyes tight, Kara fought back the tears of disorientation and tried to simply breathe. She felt Lee's hand travel to the back of her head, felt him gently guide her forehead to his shoulder, felt him shift slightly so he was holding her tightly against him.

She breathed him in and smelled the fresh scent of soap on his skin, a slight mixture of sweat and Viper oil lingering there as well. His presence calmed her as it always had and Kara was suddenly very glad that he'd promised to return. She still felt off-kilter, as if her world could tip off its axis at any minute, but with Lee rocking her gently and his soft voice in her ear, she felt she might actually survive it.

"Let's get you into bed, okay?"

She nodded. He steadied her first, helping her to stand, and then rose as well. With an arm around her waist, he guided her to the bunk and helped her to lie down.

As soon as her head hit the pillow she rolled to face the wall, giving her back to Lee. "I hate this," she murmured, taking deep breaths.

"You hate what?" Lee was close; she could feel the heat radiating off his body and through the hand he'd placed on her shoulder.

"Not knowing where I am, hallucinating." She released a deep sigh. "I just hate this."

Lee's hand on her shoulder moved to her back and he began rubbing soothing circles there. "It's okay, Kara. Everything's going to be okay."

She didn't say anything else for a few minutes, simply doing her best to regain her bearings. Finally, Lee rose and asked, "Are you hungry?"

She rolled over to face him and shrugged. "I guess."

"Well, I hope so, because Cottle told me I have to make sure you eat," he told her sternly, before getting the plates and bringing them back to the bed.

She began to eat, taking small bites and chewing her food slowly, almost thoughtfully. Lee watched her out of the corner of his eye, but kept his silence, and she was glad.

He had just cleared his plate, when Kara placed hers, half-eaten, on the table at her side, before drawing her knees up to her chest. Frowning, Lee motioned to the plate. "Kara, you've got to eat all of it. I know it tastes awful, but Cottle—"

"Lee." She couldn't keep doing this. Couldn't keep leading him on this way; especially not when he kept looking at her like … like she was his whole world. She didn't deserve it.

He must have picked up on her solemn mood because he inched closer reaching for her hand. She gave it to him reluctantly, doing her best not to meet his gaze; it would only make her admission harder. "Kara, what is it? Are you all right?"

Taking a deep breath, Kara shook her head, eyes studying her lap. "Lee, there's something I have to tell you," she admitted. "About Caprica."

---- ----

Lee Adama knew that by many standards he was a good person. He was an upstanding officer, a moral man, a decent human being. He believed in doing the right thing most of the time and had only broken the accepted tenets of society when he felt, morally, ethically, that it was the right thing to do.

At this moment, he was not a good person.

Instead of being a good person, instead of being a moral man and a decent human being, he'd fled Kara's side the minute she'd admitted to her affair with Anders and retreated to the gym. He took little consolation in the fact that he had chosen to take out his frustrations on an inanimate object. It didn't make him feel any better to know that he was taking out his aggressions on the bag.

Of course, that was mostly because he hated the fact that he had any aggression at all.

There was no reason for his behavior and he knew that too. Kara had flown to Caprica free of any ties to him. She had no reason to feel ashamed for her behavior with Anders, and she had been under no obligation to tell him about it.

It was because of his reaction, _because_ of his penchant for jealousy that she had in the first place. And what had he done to reward her honesty? He'd thrown it in her face and walked out.

Lee took a few more swings at the bag, feeling the sting in his hands. It felt like punishment for his idiocy and he liked that.

"You are an idiot."

He turned to see Helo standing in the doorway, big arms crossed over his chest, a scowl on his face that could give his father's a run for his money.

"I know," Lee panted as he took more swings at the bag. His terse reply did not encourage Helo to leave, as he hoped. Instead, the taller man simply moved into his line of sight, holding the bag as Lee pounded.

"I mean, I have known some idiots in my day, Apollo. Men who didn't know which end of the gun to hold. True idiots in every sense of the word." He glared and Lee finally dropped his hands as he added, "But you are by far the biggest idiot I have ever met."

"I know," Lee ground out, reaching for a towel and wiping his face. As he struggled to remove the gloves, he added, "Have you seen her?"

"Yeah. I thought I'd stop in and make sure she was settling in okay. Good thing too."

"Why?" His concern instantly spiked and Lee whirled to face Helo, wondering what could have happened. "Is she all right?"

"What do you think?"

He rolled his eyes. "Right."

Lee threw the gloves back towards the bin and ripped at the tape on his hands. His knuckles were nice and red and would probably swell by the morning so at least he'd have the reminder of his stupidity when he flew tomorrow.

He could feel Helo's eyes on him as he paced the room. He thought of Kara's earlier comment, about him being edgy and he knew she'd been right. He was tense because of this—waiting for the other shoe to drop. Waiting for an obstacle to present itself in the never-ending cycle that was their relationship. And here it was.

"I told her not to tell you."

Lee had no answer to that, so he just listened. "I told her you wouldn't take it well and that Anders was part of her past. I told her, 'you love Lee, not Anders. Don't make a big thing'."

"She didn't listen to you," Lee told him needlessly.

"Yeah, big surprise there," Helo muttered. "That's kind of Kara's M.O. You give her advice and she does what she wants anyway."

"I don't know how not to feel this," he finally admitted, turning to Helo, looking for advice. "I don't know how _not _to react this way."

"Have you tried?"

"Of course," Lee bit out, quickly losing his patience. "It's just … She … And I … I want to …"

"Spit it out, Apollo, we're not getting any younger."

"I want to be with her. I want to know we've got a chance."

"And what makes you think you don't?"

Lee frowned hard and rolled his eyes. "She flew to Caprica and slept with a stranger."

"After you'd called her slut and punched her," Helo pointed out helpfully, forcing Lee to again take a deep calming breath. "That is what happened, right?"

He couldn't actually admit it out loud, not again, so he simply nodded.

Helo sighed heavily before continuing, his tone serious once more. "I get being jealous, man. I get not wanting to share the girl you love with anybody else, but taking that jealousy out on her? I don't get that. Because you know what? It's _your_ jealousy, Apollo, and it's got nothing to do with Kara."

Lee took a step back as if he'd been pushed, Helo's words turning over in his mind. He'd never really thought of it that way.

"Think about that for a bit, huh?" The other man approached and clamped him hard on the shoulder, forcing Lee to meet his eyes. "And do not go back to your rack tonight without seeing her first. You've got to resolve this."

Lee nodded absently, already thinking of a dozen apologies. He wondered if Kara would even listen to him. "Is she angry?" He wanted to know what he was walking in to.

"No, man, she's still in love with your sorry ass." Helo grinned wide and Lee felt some of the tension in his chest lessen. "But I know her and she can't take this up and down. It's too hard for her, Lee."

Apollo blinked, surprised by Helo's candor, although he had no idea why. In the few weeks the man had been back with the Fleet, all of his discussions with Lee had been nothing but forthright. But still, such frankness caught him off guard.

"She'd never tell you that, but I will," he added, before heading for the hatch.

Lee watched him go and then headed for the closest head. He needed to shower off this sweat before going to see her. Helo was right, about many things, most of all that he needed to resolve this—fast.

---- ----

Kara wasn't sure what she felt. After Helo had gone, she'd felt settled for a while, almost, but not quite ready to fall asleep. Her body was begging her to give in, to close her eyes and get some more rest, but she just couldn't do it. She couldn't shake the feeling that maybe Lee would come back and everything would be okay.

She knew that probably made her pathetic, but Kara did know for certain that she was past caring. Lee's reaction to Anders had been precisely what she'd expected. Even as he'd left with barely a word, she hadn't called to him, hadn't tried to reason with him. She knew he'd leave and deal with it or not. He'd either come back to her or not.

But she wasn't going to deny that a little piece of her heart was slowly shutting down. She had believed again, no matter how fleetingly, that she might be loved. And Lee's retreat had taken that hope away. She figured that in a week or so she'd be over it. She'd feel better and be healthier and Starbuck would come back to the fore, pushing Kara into the background where she normally resided. But for the next few days, Kara had no delusions that she was going to wallow. She felt maybe she'd finally earned it.

A knock on the hatch startled her, but Kara didn't answer it. A half a minute later, the knock came again, followed by Lee's muffled voice. "Kara, it's me. Can I come in?"

Kara still didn't say anything, knowing that eventually, Lee would let himself in. A minute later, he proved her right. She didn't turn to face him, didn't even acknowledge his presence when she felt the bed dip slightly behind her. Instead, she waited for Lee to speak.

"Hey," he said quietly. When she didn't answer him, he added, "Kara, will you please talk to me?"

Closing her eyes, she sighed. "What do you want me to say? I know I hurt you. I know this is my fault."

With a heavy sigh, Lee shook his head. "We'll get to the other thing in a minute. But first of all, you didn't hurt me, Kara."

She rolled over, ready to protest, but Lee interrupted. "Hang on, let me finish." She nodded reluctantly and he continued. "I hurt _you_ and that's not fair. You were honest with me and my reaction was out of line."

She blinked once, twice, studying his face, seeing only sincerity there. "I'm not sure I understand."

He sighed, rubbing a hand along the back of his neck and then with a rueful smile, he met her puzzled expression and shrugged. "I'm an idiot."

The certainty with which he made this declaration brought laughter to Kara's lips and she found it bursting out in the loud bray she was known for. Lee's own gentle laugh soon joined hers and she found herself wiping away tears of happiness for the first time in quite a while.

As the momentary giddiness passed, Kara reached for Lee's hand and squeezed. "I can't believe you just said that."

"Well, I did and it's the truth," he told her with a grin, before leaning down to kiss her. She kissed him back, making an effort to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away before she could. Frowning at him, he simply shook his head slightly and said, "Please forgive me, Kara."

She inhaled a sharp breath, again surprised by the unencumbered way he'd just asked for her forgiveness. It was decidedly unlike Lee, but at the moment, she didn't really care. "I do," she whispered, reaching up a hand and cupping his cheek in her palm. He turned his face to the side and dropped a kiss to her wrist. "If you can forgive me, I can forgive you."

"There's nothing to forgive, so let's call it a clean slate."

She smiled wider and then sat forward, pressing her lips to his. "I can do that."

Lee kissed her back, his own lips turning up into a smile. "Good."

She kissed him again and couldn't help the emotions that overwhelmed her. With Lee so close and his arms around her, his heart beating in rhythm with hers, she did finally feel safe. Safe enough that she almost forgot the episode of only minutes ago. Safe enough to want to kiss Lee with reckless abandon and let her actions and desire take over.

He pulled her tight to his chest once more, and Kara wove her arms around his neck. Their kiss was heady and breath stealing and she found herself struggling for air soon enough. Pulling away from his mouth, she trailed a line of kisses down his chin, over to his ear and then she latched on to the pulse point there, making him groan in appreciation. She really liked that sound.

His hands spread along her shoulder blades, keeping her close. Warmth spread along every point of contact, making Kara feel as though she were wrapped in the warmest blanket ever made. She could stay here, with Lee, held tight to him, kissing him forever. She was fairly certain of it.

She gasped sharply as one of Lee's hands moved around to her front and gently cupped her breast. Even through layers of fabric, his soft touch and the knowing way with which he fondled the flesh made her desperate for more. She pushed herself forward, bringing their hips into contact with one another and their mouths fell away as they both let out a delighted cry.

"Kara," Lee panted her name like prayer, and it only encouraged her to keep kissing him. Her hands trailed down to the edge of his tanks and she pushed and pulled until finally he lifted his arms over his head and let her pull them off. As she took in the sight of his well-muscled chest, she licked her lips and glanced up to him with twinkling eyes.

"The Sun God indeed," she murmured, bending down and tracing a path around his nipple with her tongue. Lee inhaled sharply at the sensation and so Kara switched to the other side and did it again.

"Kara." He said her name again and she wanted him to keep saying it. If he did, she'd forget everything else. She'd focus on this moment with Lee and maybe the rest of the world would finally go away.

Running her tongue from the middle of his chest, up his throat and back to his mouth, Kara kissed him passionately, cradling his head in her hands, focused only on kissing him. He indulged her for untold seconds and it was only when they both needed air, that Lee pulled away, holding her gently by the shoulders, stopping her from going any farther.

She pouted, quite annoyed that he had ruined her fun. "What?"

With a slight frown, Lee released her and then leaned over, grabbing his tanks from where she'd discarded them and putting them back on. Her frown deepened. "Lee."

"Kara." When he again turned to face her, she saw seriousness on his features and knew he was looking for answers. "Two things: first of all, you're not well enough for us to … do that," he stuttered, his ears reddening adorably as he glanced to the bed and back to her.

Thinking she could still salvage this, Kara leaned towards him and placed her hand in his lap. His mind was sending one message, but his body was definitely broadcasting another. "But, don't you want to?" she whispered hotly in his ear as she closed her hand over his erection and squeezed gently.

"Want to isn't even the issue," Lee managed to get out, before rising and stepping out of Kara's reach. "I want to so bad I can taste it, but you're not well enough."

"Lee, I'm fine." She hated it when he treated her like a china doll. She wasn't going to break. "Cottle didn't say I couldn't."

"Cottle didn't say you could either. Do you want me to call him?" He took two steps towards the comm. before Kara stopped him.

"What's the second thing?" She knew when she was beat.

With a sigh, Lee came back and sat beside her, taking her hands in his. "Second of all, I wanted to ask you something."

Nodding, Kara looked to him expectantly. He swallowed hard several times, his face fading to a decidedly pale shade. Worrying he might actually pass out, she reached for his hand and prompted softly, "Lee?"

"Look, I know this is really presumptuous, but I was hoping—"

He couldn't get the sentence out and Kara would have found it cute if she wasn't worried about what precisely he was trying to say. He rose abruptly, pacing away from the bed and she watched as his eyes focused and lingered on the cot she'd noticed earlier in the day.

Doing her best to keep the teasing lilt from her voice, she asked softly, "Who's the cot for Lee?"

He turned to her, face flushed red and she knew that he had no idea how to ask. She had to fight her initial instinct to needle him mercilessly, knowing it would not help him get over his discomfort. And might compel him not to stay with her.

"Well, I was thinking—" He paused again, eyes focused on the decking at his feet, before he let out a heavy sigh and said in a rush, "I thought maybe I could stay with you and make sure you're okay. If you want," he added lamely.

Biting her lip, Kara did her best to keep the grin from her face. She couldn't believe that Lee thought she'd say no, especially after everything; especially after the way he'd just kissed her. She thought about making him sweat it out, but then decided playing games with Lee and his emotions was growing old. Oh, she'd still tease him, certainly, but not about this. Not about how he felt; not about how she felt.

"So, you want to stay on the cot?" she asked, waiting for him to meet her eyes before smiling at him.

When he nodded, she tilted her head to the side as if considering and then said, "Nah. I don't think so."

Lee's face fell so fast it appeared as if she'd just bested him in the firing range. "Oh, well. Okay, I guess I should just—"

"Lee."

He paused, meeting her eyes hesitantly, uncertainty clearly written on his face. "What?"

She reached a hand out toward him. "Come here."

He eyed her warily before approaching. As soon as Lee's hand slid into hers, she tugged on it gently bringing him back to the bunk beside her. Bringing her face to within inches of his, she lowered her voice and told him, "I don't think you're going to need the cot."

Lee's eyes narrowed as he obviously tried to discern her meaning. Taking pity on him, Kara leaned forward and kissed him, putting everything she felt for him, everything she knew he felt for her into the kiss. In seconds, he responded, mouth opening as his tongue sought out hers. She met his passion with her own, pulling her body flush to his, the passion that had flared between them earlier burning bright once more.

Parting for air, her breath coming in soft pants against his cheek, Kara murmured, "Will you stay with me, Lee?"

The sparkle in his blue eyes made her heart skip a beat even as his lips against her neck sent shivers through her body. "Always, Kara. Always."

---- ----


End file.
